My mother loves to nurture people. And she is very good at it. My mom is the type of person who can work with a first time mom who is also a heroin addict and help that person get the resources they need to keep their baby. And she’s the type of person who can see that woman as a mother and not an addict.

I’m the other way around: I see the addict before I see the person. I am more likely to see the harsh realities of a situation whereas my mom sees the good and the potential.

Sometimes, I really have to wonder where I came from. I’m sure my parents do too.

My mom left her most recent agency in June, after having worked with the agency for four or five years. Her program was heading in a new direction and she realized it was time for her to move elsewhere.  I’m very proud of her for that – sometimes it can be hard to admit that something you loved isn’t something you love anymore.

The other thing I’m proud of her for was realizing that she needed a break before she took a new position. Instead of job hunting right away, she waited until she took a month or two off.  She did some reading (she’s still not done my list of recommendations though), worked in her garden and spent some much needed time with my dad. 

But now she’s job hunting again.  And now, the whole family is giving her career advice.  Surprise! All of the advice we are sharing with her is conflicting.

The biggest source of conflict involves my father, me and my mother’s age.  And my mother’s ability to over share in an interview.  My mom is very likely to mention her married daughter in an interview. I know this because she’s told me about doing this before.  She has no sense of HR no man’s land.

So when my mom announced that she had an upcoming job interview, I tried to delicately (okay, I failed at delicate) say that perhaps she should not mention her family.  Or at least not mention her twenty-something daughter and son-in-law.  I told her that this was because it would make it easier for the interviewer to realize how old she was (mid to late 50’s) and since she looks 15 years younger, she should leave it all up to their imagination. 

My dad strongly disagrees. He thinks she should be proud of her family accomplishments and since she’s in social work, her age is a benefit.  Because my mom usually works with families in crisis, having a daughter in her twenties shows that my mom has hands on experience. He also says that since its illegal to discriminate against age, that shouldn’t factor into how she answers questions.  In fact, her age is an asset because it means she’s more stable.

What makes this difficult is that neither of us work in Human Resources. My dad may be a hiring manager in for his department but there is still someone else to handle the HR side of things. And neither of us are social workers (that career path is definitely not a possibility for me). We just want to see good things happen for her.