Dorie Morgan’s Rising Up
Navigating Twenty-Something Suburban Life
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Archive of "reflecting on self" Category
I hate my husband’s 12 emails
I always have this plan that I will not let my inbox be full of junk. I will sort everything into folders, deal with each and every email in an appropriate time frame and I will delete emails when I no longer can benefit from saving them. I will follow through and I will be victorious over my gmail!
Once again, I have 700 hundred emails in my inbox. I’d delete them all in one shot but some of them contain information about my mortgage and I’m a bit fearful of deleting those accidentally.
I feel like an electronic pack rat. Sometimes, it gets so bad that I just abandon an email address because the thought of going through all of that information is overwhelming.
I know in the grand scheme of things, all of that email isn’t the biggest concern. There’s things that are a much bigger deal: the homeless in Philadelphia (winter is coming) or the current economic crisis (can we talk about my student loans please?). My email is just annoying.
What makes it especially annoying is that when I see Brian open his email, he only has 12 emails in his inbox. That’s right. 12 emails. All of those emails were dealt with in a timely manner. His inbox is pristine. It’s easy to locate information in there. Oh and I know there 12 emails in there because I counted. I was so jealous that I counted. There were still just 12 emails.
This is partially because Brian doesn’t spend much time online and partially because he recently changed his email address but didn’t tell anyone. Some of my seven hundred emails are emails intended for him but our friends didn’t know how to reach him so they reached me instead.
Sometimes the title “wife” really means “personal assistant”.
Which is okay. I enjoy that aspect of marriage. It’s just that when I have 700 emails, I don’t feel like I’m the best “personal assistant” to Brian that I could be. I may joke about him being my better half but sometimes (okay, a lot of times) it’s true. If I can’t manage to take care of something like email, something that really isn’t that big of a deal, what else am I failing to properly manage?
The email is really just a symptom of a bigger problem. The email is a personal reminder that I’ve been struggling to find and maintain balance. My email is telling me that I have a lot of work to do.
I have this fantasy that I could live life like a machine. A well oiled, well maintained machine. Preferably a machine that did not require sleep. A Stepford Wife.
Periodically, I forget that I am not a machine. And then I end up sick and exhausted like I did last week. And when I end up sick and exhausted, I know I am missing even more things. That’s when I am not being a good wife. Or a good employee. Or a good Dorie.
The most concerning part is not being a good me but I keep catching myself putting the wife/employee/whatever else roles in front of being me.
So how do I fix it? How do I balance the desire to do it all with the knowledge that it is physically impossible to do everything? How do I make serious adult decisions when sometimes I feel like I am stilling playing make believe?
Live your life as if it were a video game
Guest post today by Jun Loayza! In case you haven’t discovered him on your own yet, Jun is the CMO of Future Delivery, blogs regularly and is part of the Brazen Careerist community. I asked Jun to write about something he is passionate about and I love his perspective on approaching life. I hope this changes the way you approach living.
“My name is Cloud Strife, and I fought against the evil forces of Shinra. I stood against the evil Sephiroth and managed to save the planet by destroying him.”
Yes, I was an uber dork in high school, but living in this fantasy world is just oh so fun. The game that I’m referring to above is Final Fantasy VII – it was the last role playing game that I ever played and truly lost myself in. Playing video games is extremely addicting in our society. We see it all the time with hardcore gamers in World of Warcraft or Starcraft. WoW is so addicting that players have actually died from starvation!
I used to live my life like an NPC (Non Playable Character). We have all seen these characters in video games; they stand around in towns to make the place look more lively and fun. They’re always doing the same exact thing, never progress, and are just bystanders to the actual main story of the game. I was an NPC because I was just on cruise-control with my life. I never really had to try hard to achieve anything because everything just came to me: I wanted to get into UCLA, and I got in; I wanted to become a brother in Delta Sigma Pi, and I received a bid; if I wanted to start dating this cute girl in class, I (usually) started dating her. Because of my easy-going life style and my philosophy of letting things just happen to me, I was a true NPC of my life. I was just watching it go by.
Fall 06 was the turning point in my life. I was interviewing for full-time offers in Consulting and approached the recruiting process with the same NPC mentality. After a few interviews, I started feeling confused because I hadn’t heard back from the companies. I went home one weekend to visit the family and saw the letters on my desk, the letters that you dread as a high school student looking to get into college and as a graduating senior looking to get a full-time job. They were my first rejection letters.
It felt like a ton of bricks had just given me a blow to the chest. I had never felt so useless, unwanted, and rejected. I had been cruising in my life, just letting things happen and never truly taking the initiative to progress my life story.
Do you know how you spot an NPC in real life? Go up to someone and ask them, “What’s new?” If they say, “Same old, same old,” then you just found yourself an NPC.
My life of playing video games, ditching class, and non-stop drinking must be put to a stop now. I turned to my friend and now business partner Yu-kai Chou who had a similar turning point in his life. He advised me, “Why don’t you live your life as if it were a video game?” “What in the world are you talking about?” I asked…
Your primary goal in an RPG (role playing game) is to increase in level, gain new abilities, and become a more powerful player. It’s fun to do it in a fantasy world, so why not do it in real life? You can gain new abilities by learning a new programming language, learning a new language, or reading a new business book. You can gain in your social attributes by constantly networking and joining social networking sites that will increase the variety of your social circles. You can level-up in real life by developing yourself personally and professionally. This is what I decided to do and it has dramatically changed my life for the better.
So what did I do? I gained in my leadership attributes by founding Bruin Consulting and the Undergraduate Case Competition at UCLA. I gained experience points by founding The Veridical Group – a small business consulting firm. I increased my social level by creating a blog and making an effort to meet the blogging community. I turned my life into a video game and made it my goal to constantly keep leveling up in real life.
This life goal has lead Yu-kai and I to found Future Delivery. Our goal with Future Delivery is to help student and young professionals have fun with career and professional development. We recently launched our site FD Career which helps you lead your life as if it were a video game. Every time you gain an internship, get a high GPA, or become the leader of an organization, you gain experience points and level up on the site. As you gain in level, you earn prestige, are rewarded new features and abilities, and gain the ability to recruit with prestigious firms. Yu-kai and I had to go through a huge road block in our lives to reach this epiphany. Our hope is that with FD Career, students and young professionals will realize that leveling up in real life is much more fun and rewarding that leveling up your fantasy character in a video game.
I am Level 34 in real life. What level are you?
Just call me Crackles
When Brian and I first decided to get married, we had this dream of owning a business someday. Or rather, we dreamed about building our own real estate empire. We wanted to buy old houses, renovate and remodel and then either rent or sell the properties. Brian would be in charge of the actual construction and I would be in charge of everything else. It seemed like a brilliant idea.
In fact, it still does.
We finally bought our first property three weeks ago and we get the pleasure of really learning about what having an entrepreneurial marriage would look like. And by pleasure, what I really mean is something more along the lines of having our eyes opened by surprise and shock.
We really weren’t expecting this.
But we’ve also learned a lot of good things too. About ourselves, about our marriage and about how we want to build a business.
Your Network
Your business is only as good as the people who support it. And the character of the people who support your business are a reflection of the character of the business. If your network is filled with people who suggest actions that are illegal or slightly unethical, take a step back and ask why those people are in your network. We learned this lesson but interacting with the seller’s representatives. We will not work with people who exist in that network again because we know there are problems within that network, we just don’t quite know where.
Your Work
I’m a self starter when it comes to projects. I want to show up, get the job done and move onto the next thing. I’ll take a break when the task is completed or if the task is too big, I’ll break it up into smaller chunks. Brian, on the other hand, is not a self starter. He’s much better at making the day fun. And that’s okay. Between the two of us, stuff gets done and everyone has a good time.
Our Marriage
Sometimes, you just need to be reminded how well you work together. I won’t lie; it’s been a rough few months for my husband and me. With family drama, house drama and work drama, it isn’t always easy to connect. But working together on the house gives both of us a chance to look at each other at our best. And I shouldn’t forget to mention how great it feels when we can share the sense of accomplishment (instead of telling the other about a sense of accomplishment during dinner). Team Morgan becomes stronger because of it.
Our Knowledge
My husband has totally different set of skills than I do. He creates beautiful things in homes and I know he makes other people’s lives better because of it. Working together gives me a great opportunity to learn new things from Brian. Learning new skills changes my perspective and helps with problem solving elsewhere. I might not use carpentry skills everyday in the office but who can’t use a new way to look at the world? Once you have an understanding of a skill set, you can look to apply that set in new directions.
Our SillinessOn our first day of work, my dear sweet husband started giving out construction names. My mother was named “Butchie”. Because of my dad’s resemblance to the guy on the Mr. Clean bottle, he was named “Sparkles”. But what did Brian name his wife? “Crackles.” Why? Because “Cracker” was already taken by someone else he knows.
So I did what any good “Crackles” would do: I told them all to shut up and get back to work
Passion: Best D-cup runner in the state!
Sophomore year in college, I spent a semester living with this girl named Erica who I met in freshman Spanish. We weren’t really friends when we moved in together but I was desperate for a roommate and she had an extra space in her room. We were like night and day. She ran cross country and would willingly stay up all night to study organic chemistry while I would hide out in the theatre instead of doing actual work. And I wouldn’t run even if my life depended on it.
Surprisingly, we got along great. She ended up being one of the best people I have ever lived with and I’m still a little disappointed the opportunity to live together never presented itself again.
One of my favorite things about Erica was the way she started every idea or observation she had with the same opener.
“Dorie. Can I tell you something. Let me tell you something.”
What followed would range from “My mother is crazy” to “I got to the exam and I couldn’t figure out why I studied so much”. Her opener was this staple of her vocabulary just to get the conversation moving. (Side note: This past week she pointed out that her boyfriend starts everything with “Let me ask you a question”. I’m not sure she realizes that she does the exact same thing, just with slightly different language.)
One day, she followed her opener with the statement “If they placed track meets based on cup sizes, I’d be the best D-cup runner in the state.”
And it was probably true. When I’d go to her meets, I’d see this sea of long, lean skinny people. The women were tiny and none of them were all that curvy. And then there was Erica, with her hips and her breasts and looking like a woman. She was/is gorgeous.
She ran because she loved it. D-cups and all. Her body may not have appeared to be built for it but it was passion that pushed her.
It is been almost six years since I lived with Erica. She still runs. Because she still loves it. And she applies that passion to other areas of her life. Her career as a lawyer is a great example. Passion is always something that can benefit us, no matter what field we are in.
Your passion doesn’t have to be your life’s work. If Erica wanted to be a professional athlete, she might not get very far. But since Erica wants to run because she loves it, she can be the “best D-cup runner in the state” and then be okay with being just that.
Because she motivated by the internal reward of her actions, the external rewards are nice but they are not the be all, end all of where she finds her self worth.
I used to define passion as something that I love to do, no matter what. But maybe that isn’t totally true. Maybe I need to start defining passion as something I love to do for only the internal rewards. Maybe a better way to realize passions is to look at the matter in question and be able to say “The external rewards are nice, but that’s not why I’m doing this”.
Babies? Maybe Later
After nine months of trying, my best friend is finally pregnant. Thank God. I’ll miss calling her weekly and starting the conversation with “so, are you knocked up yet?” but it is a small price to pay for her happiness. She’s wanted a baby for a while now.
Brian’s older sister is pregnant too. She’s due in October and expecting a little girl. She started trying around the same time my best friend did but things worked out a little faster. I have to admit, I’m looking forward to being an aunt again.
Even our next door neighbors at the new house have a new baby boy. I think their six year old daughter was confused when her brother turned out to be a baby and not a kid her age to play with. She also wants to know when Brian and I will be having babies because “there aren’t enough kids around here”.
It seems like there are babies everywhere. I guess it is a side effect of actually being an adult now.
I’ve always wanted to have a big family. I may not have dreamt about being a bride when I was a little girl but I dreamt about being a mom. I am an only child so I used to daydream about a house filled with chaos and madness and kids everywhere. The idea of a big family still sounds very appealing. But when the 6 year old asked me about having kids, I froze.
I am not ready to be a mom.
I am not ready to give up my freedom.
I am not ready to stop being selfish.
And I don’t think I should be making babies until I’m ready to put a child first. As an educated person who understands how babies are made and can take the necessary steps to avoid premature baby making, having a child before I’m ready is just irresponsible.
The downside to this line of thought is that I keep hearing that there is no “right time” to have a kid. Because children are messy and inconvenient. They say things that make the neighbors cringe. Kids are expensive.
And once a child arrives, you can never go back to not being a parent. It is one of the most permanent changes you can make. (At least if you are a woman. In the case of my birth father, it didn’t seem to slow him down.) Children change priorities. They change your life.
And that change is appealing, but not yet. There is so much I want to do with my life before I start to worry about the dangers of vaccinating children and start to focus on providing my children with a strong start in life. I want to travel, to write a book, to actually finish renovating my house. I want to be a wife and appreciate my time with my husband. I want to see what I can accomplish in my career. I want to be able to take off on a weekend trip on a moment’s notice and not worry about tracking down a babysitter.
I told my new 6 year old friend that there would not be any babies anytime soon but my nieces and nephew would come to visit. And in typically 6 year old fashion, she quickly moved onto the next topic that interested her. It was adorable.
Here’s what I’m ready for – I am ready to be the favorite aunt. I’m ready to do the fun things with kids and not worry if the homework is done or if they are behaving correctly. I’m ready to rediscover the world through the eyes of my niece but I am not ready to rediscover the world through the eyes of my daughter.
My fingers are a reflection of my priorities
I’m slightly embarrassed to admit it now, but when I was in college, painting my nails at least twice a week was one of my top priorities. It was up there with food, sleep and sex. As soon as my polish started to chip, it would quickly be removed and replaced with a new color. I loved bright, vivid colors and I rarely wore anything that looked natural. A fresh manicure was part of how I felt good about myself, even when things were not going as planned.
I took “Live Like Your Nail Color” very seriously.
I mention this now because I stood at the fax machine yesterday and contemplated my fingernails. I haven’t polished them in about two weeks but I have yet to remove the remnants of my last manicure. I’m not too concerned about it because I now stick to neutral colors or baby pinks. Sometimes, I embrace clear nail polish only for weeks at a time. It is difficult to notice until you stare at my hands for more than a few seconds, and even if you notice then, I don’t really care. Home renovations, dish washing and yard work are not exactly manicure friendly.
Somewhere along the line, my priorities changed. My red nail polish has been mostly retired. And that’s okay. Why? Because I know those priorities will change again.
As people, we should be constantly changing, evolving and growing. Usually, those changes are subtle and don’t have a huge impact on our daily living. But over time, those changes really start to add up. It is only when we make a Major Life Decision that the people around us really start to take notice. But when we think of our Major Life Decision in terms of a series of small logical changes, that Major Life Decision isn’t so major.
It is that first tiny step that really is the big deal.
Back to my nail polish: as I stood at the fax machine, I really had to fight the urge to berate myself. When did I get so sloppy? When did I stop caring? What else was I going to stop caring about? Would I ever shave my legs with the same neglect that I now paint my nails?
But then it hit me. It wasn’t that I stopped caring. It was that I started caring more. About different things. About bigger things. My priorities changed but I didn’t notice. Or rather, I didn’t notice that I stopped prioritizing my fingernails but I did notice that I started prioritizing the home my husband and I are renovating.
The key in all of this is keeping track of what your core priorities really are. Is your priority a vibrant career where you make tons of money or is your priority spending time with your mate? Do you prioritize reading new books or do you prioritize finding unique experiences?
You need to know what the core aspects of your life are so that the little things don’t trip you. When you focus on the little problem, you are avoiding the aspect of your life that really needs attention. It may be easier to put off dealing with the big problem but you spend so much time on the little things that you’ll never make the one change that you truly needed.
A mentor for my marriage will matter more
I suck at finding mentors. I hate asking people to mentor me. I don’t know how to do it without it becoming awkward. And I secretly fear that the person I’m asking will laugh and say no.
When I was in college, it was so much easier. The theatre association I joined assigned every new member a mentor, it was just up to you to maintain the relationship. When I joined my sorority, you picked your big and your big then mentored you through out your Greek Life experience (and I still go to my big when I’m mulling over major life decisions, Thanks Michelle!). When I was elected president of my chapter, there was an alumnae member just waiting to be my advisor. Everything was provided for me.
But now, I have to find my own mentors. And I don’t know where to begin. I really don’t have a mentor for my career or a mentor for blogging.
I’m more concerned though about finding a mentor for my marriage. Because, at the end of the day, I will only be married once. Making this work, and in a healthy way, is so important. I won’t get another shot at a happy marriage but there will always be a second chance with my career.
There are a few reasons why finding a couple to mentor my marriage is so hard.
- So many marriages end in divorce. And so many marriages end after the kids have already grown and left the house. I don’t want to be mentored by someone whose marriage is falling apart but at the same time, you don’t really know if a marriage is successful until one of its partners has died.
- We would have to find a couple that would be beneficial for both of us. This mentoring relationship wouldn’t just be about me and the mentor but me, my husband and the mentoring couple. Just thinking about establishing a relationship makes me realize just how different Brian and I truly are.
- My husband and I are Christians. Brian has a Pentecostal upbringing whereas I have a Presbyterian past. But here’s where it gets complicated: I broke away from the church for years (hello sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll). It took a long time for me to come back to the church and when I did, I discovered it was really difficult for me to relate to other Christians. Brian, on the other hand, has no past like that to deal with and address. My past is just as much a part of my marriage as the present we now share. We encounter very few Christian couples who understand what that sort of past really means.
With that being said, not having a mentor is just not a good idea. But I’m not quite sure where I am supposed to go next. And when something is so important, how do you establish criteria without crippling yourself in the process? It almost feels more difficult than the decision to become a married couple.
Where do you find your best mentors? And how do you establish that relationship once you have realized the potential?
Don’t be crippled by your stupid ideas
Last night I was fortunate to be on a conference call about blogging with Penelope Trunk and Alex Fisher (from Young Profession Finance). And I should confess that I was a huge mess of excitement yesterday as I contemplated questions to ask or comments I thought I might want to make.
It was slightly overwhelming as I dialed in last night. It reminded me of high school when you realized that you were about to spend time with someone much cooler than yourself.
When I started blogging, I got this idea in my head that Penelope Trunk would not be interested in answering questions from me because I was convinced that nothing I could say would be interesting enough for a response. And I’ve carried this idea in my head for the last two years. It was a very stupid idea too.
The problem with a stupid idea is that it cripples you. Especially when you keep the idea to yourself. If an idea lurks solely in your head, no one will be able to correct you when it’s horrible or guide you to success when you are on the right path.
When you keep that stupid idea inside, you might be temporarily saved from judgment but ultimately, you are only stopping yourself from being brilliant later.
I’m not really afraid of doing stupid things either. Stupid things can always be corrected later. I know this to be true because I do stupid things all of the time. And I have yet to do something so stupid that I can’t recover from it.
Still, I am afraid of having (and sharing) stupid ideas.
Back to the conference call – I received some great advice last night and heard some things that changed the way I looked at blogging. Advice that I could have been using for the last year but I wasn’t using it. Why? Because that stupid idea living in my head made it physically impossible for me to hear it any sooner.
In the end, I only held myself back.
Let’s face it: the people who inspire you are not going to track you down to tell you something brilliant or give you that swift kick you need to get yourself out of neutral. But they will be sharing those moments of wisdom with the person who took a few minutes to ask for it.
In the long run, building relationships allows you to be stupid and recover from it. Because when you are not only having the conversation but growing from it, other people will want to see past your prior mistakes. Your community will want you to succeed.
When did I get so old?
Lately the signs that I am actually an adult seem to surprise me. It doesn’t faze me that I’ve been out of college for three years, that I am buying a house or that I’ve held down a real job for two years. Even the huge bills that come every month to the mailbox with my name printed on them aren’t really a sign that I’m an adult. My friends are all married or have babies. Some of them are divorced. And some of them are working on the PhD’s.
But those are not the signs of adulthood that disturb me.
The signs of adulthood that disturb me are along the lines of my therapist is the same age as me.
I think I always knew that someday I would be an adult. Someday, I would have a “real” job. Someday, people would give me money for my services and refer their friends and family to me.
I forgot about the part of it where people my age would grow with me though. I forgot that they too would have real jobs and be paid for their services. And I forgot about the part where I would be paying those people for their services.
It isn’t weird that I’m telling my therapist about my mommy issues and talking about my ability methodically and thoroughly reason away my inner child. It’s weird that I’m paying a therapist who is my age to talk about those things.
But from here on out, it is only going to get stranger. Because eventually, the cute little kids that I once babysat for are going to have graduate degrees and real jobs and I’m going to start paying them for their services. And eventually, I’ll have kids and my kids will grow up and I’ll pay people who are the same age as my offspring for their skills.
And I’ll look at them the same way a Baby Boomer looks at a Millennial and I’ll wonder, “When did I get so old?”
Coping with Disabilities: How I can be ADD in the office
I have a love/hate relationship with my Attention Deficit Disorder. Since I was diagnosed at 13, dealing with ADD has been a confusing but rewarding battle of me versus me. In school, ADD meant more time for assignments, tutors if I wanted one and a steady diet of Ritalin. In the working world, ADD means creating a system of coping mechanisms that make me look quirky and neurotic.
It’s taken me a long time to get to the love portion of the ADD relationship. Prior to my diagnosis, I knew that I operated differently from my peers, I just didn’t understand why. In middle school and high school, Ritalin helped me focus but I hated the side effects. I had no desire to eat, my creativity was stifled and I was unable to sleep for more than three hours a night starting when I was 14. By the time I got to college, I knew something had to give.
I decided sophomore year in college that I had enough of the medication. I got to this point where the ability to focus just wasn’t worth the side effects. And then I struggled. I decided I didn’t want to have extra help that the college could provide me because no one would offer me extra help when I got into the real world just because I had ADD. And without the medication, I had no idea how to learn.
The plus side of a med free life was worth it for a time. My creativity flooded back to me. Suddenly, I had a desire to eat again (sadly, while there was no “freshman fifteen” my new found love of food led to a sophomore twenty five!). Without medication, I was brazen. Walking into a room where I knew no one was okay and actually enjoyable. And I discovered that it wasn’t that I had a problem focusing – I just couldn’t select what I would focus on.
Oh, and I finally was able to sleep for more than three hours at a time. Who knew feeling well rested would feel so good!
Then my grades went down. Ultimately, it took me five years to finish undergrad. Not being able to choose to focus on classes made writing papers and reading assignments brutal. But the ability to hyper focus enabled me to read all of Ayn Rand’s work my junior year (don’t ask me why that was able to capture my attention). Getting up each day to do work was a battle but getting up each day to discover new things was thrilling.
Post college life was interesting. Realizing that I couldn’t keep struggling, my doctor and I decided it was time for me to try new medication, this time in the form of Stratera. It seemed like a great idea at first but I soon discovered that the side effects were hellish. The world, which had been so vibrant for my four med-free years, was suddenly flat. Because strattera is a mild antidepressant, there were no emotional lows but that also meant there were no emotional highs. When I broke up with my five year on again off again boyfriend for the last time, I knew I should be sad but I just didn’t care. There was also absolutely no desire for sex and a desire to sleep for twelve hours a day. But I could focus.
Once again, this was not an option that would last very long.
I’ve been med-free for a little over two years now. The breakup with my ex was what finally led me to give up the idea that medicine would “fix” me. If I was unable to feel, what good was I as a person? I’ve been in pursuit of holistic, natural care ever since.
Surprisingly, the med free life has made my ADD more manageable than it ever was before. Here’s how I am able to do this now:
Holistic/Natural Medical treatment – I’ve been seeing a chiropractor for two years and three months. When I first went to Gorman Optimal Health Solutions, I thought the guy was nuts for telling me that he could treat ADD through adjustments and supplements. And then I discovered he was right. Before I start having back pain, I’ll notice I am out of alignment because I am more easily distracted.
Supplements – I take 5-HTP at meal times. It is believed to help children and adults with over focused ADD. Ravers take it to offset some of the fun after effects of ecstasy. There are plenty of supplement options that are suggested for ADD but after much trial and error (with the guidance of my doctor) this is what we discovered worked best for me.
Exercise – If I don’t get at least 30 minutes of vigorous exercise in a day, I’m done. My best days for focusing mean that I spent about 90 minutes in the gym in the morning. Exercise quiets my mind and it quiets my body. While I never had the stereotypical hyperactivity, I am constantly fidgeting with my hair, things in my pockets and items on my desk. Besides, exercise is just good for you.
Diet – As tempting as dessert can be, I can’t focus after eating sugary foods. Its okay to have a treat at home once in a while but if I hit the office candy dish, I can forget about focusing on the job they pay me to do. I do best when I stay away from carbs during the day and wait until I get home at night to enjoy them.
Color Coding – I have a ridiculous system of color coding in my FranklinCovey planner but it extends to other areas of my life. Work life items are blue. Yellow is for medical. Pink is for me. Orange is for home. Purple is for church. The list goes on and on. Certain times I focus on certain colors.
Limit Multitasking – It always seems like multitasking is a great idea but it fails me more times than it helps me. Instead, I focus on short bursts. I break most of my daily tasks into twenty to thirty minute blocks of time. Anything more than that I get distracted. In between those blocks, I give myself a mini break – I get a glass of water, I stretch, I check out a post of Brazen Careerist or I find a reason to talk to a coworker.
Talk about it – HR knows about my ADD. My direct supervisor knows about it. And a few of the moms that work in my office know about it as well. I do not broadcast it – there is no reason to show up at work with a flashing neon sign that reads “Dorie has Attention Deficit Disorder” but trying to hide it does not work either. HR and my direct supervisor need to know. But it isn’t enough to walk into their offices, say “Hi, I have ADD” and then leave. By having conversations about what my strengths and weaknesses are, they are able to work with me. And really, that is good advice for anyone regardless of whether or not there is a disability.
But why do I talk to office moms about it? Some of them are learning how to deal with parenting an ADD child. I believe its important for them to see how coping with ADD as a child translates into coping with ADD as an adult. If they can benefit from my experiences, it was worth it to share.
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