Dorie Morgan’s Rising Up

Dorie vs. The Breast Pump

October 13, 2008 // 1 Comment »

Posted in Natalie, challenges, family life

On Friday, I spent 45 minutes wandering around Target trying to buy a breast pump.

I think it might have been the most challenging thing I attempted to do all week.

And I walked into Target thinking it would be easy. After all, people have babies all the time. And lactating women use breast pumps all the time. How hard could it be? I might not have a child myself but I have breasts and a college degree so I should be able to figure this out without a problem!

I thought wrong.

I never realized it but there are so many options available. On one hand, this is great. Women have the chance to select the option that they like best. Manual or automatic! Your choice! You can pick a brand, the features you want, the price point you are most comfortable purchasing.

On the other hand, there were so many choices. And I hadn’t done research in advance. I didn’t really know what I was looking for. I just knew I had to buy a breast pump.

I started wandering up and down the aisles of the baby section, looking for new moms. I needed advice and who better to pass out that information than a woman with a baby. Even if a woman doesn’t have her baby with her, you can tell she’s a new mom because she’s in the baby section with an exhausted look in her eyes. She’s also moving with incredible speed because she knows the faster she finishes, the better her chances are of five extra moments of sleep.

The women who are not new moms can be spotted because they look so excited to be purchasing impractical baby supplies.

I asked three women for guidance and all of them told me that they didn’t breast feed. One woman told me she was concerned about losing the shape of her breasts. Another woman asked me when I had my baby (um, no?!) which was when I realized that I would have to make a decision by myself.

I picked up a manual pump and what I thought would be everything I needed to get someone started with a breast pump. The box wasn’t very clear but I thought I had everything I needed. I had breast shields. I had breast pads. I had empty bottles and I had caps for those bottles. I had both slow and medium flow nipples. I had freezer bags for breast milk. And I had a friendly guide to breast feeding (which would hopefully make up for the unfriendly lactation consultant my sister-in-law had been subjected to).

I felt quite proud of myself. A twenty-something woman without a baby in Target had successfully purchased a breast pump! Without months of research and consumer reviews! Without the help of someone who had breastfed! Without crying from frustration! Forty five minutes and one hundred dollars later, I had purchased a breast pump! My niece would be well fed! I was victorious!

And when I got back to the apartment, I discovered it was also without those wonderful plastic rings that would attach the nipple to bottle. Forget slow or medium flow, the only way this milk was ending up in my niece’s belly would involve her mastering holding a non-sippy cup and consuming from it at the tender age of five days old.

Three stores later, I gave up on finding rings sold separately and purchased a new set of bottles. This time with rings.

At least I learned.

I’m not a parent. At least not yet. But my niece is teaching me the same lessons in flexibility and adaptability that she is teaching her parents. But I didn’t have to live through pregnancy and labor and child birth to get those lessons.

Thank God. I’m not sure I’m ready for the lessons that come from child birth just yet.