Dorie Morgan’s Rising Up

Bruce’s Crotch was better than the commercials

February 2, 2009 // 1 Comment »

Posted in Marketing

It should come as no surprise but I don’t know anything about football. In fact, I know nothing about sports either. For years, I blamed it on my only child raised by a single woman upbringing but the truth is I just don’t care. It’s a bunch of grown men chasing after a ball. It just doesn’t do it for me.

Despite my complete lack of sports enthusiasm, I still watch the Super Bowl every year. I love hanging out with friends and family, even if I have no clue about what is going on. But I also love the commercials (I know, so typical). I love seeing the way companies are going to brand themselves for the coming year and I love seeing the new ideas that are out there.

Last night was a fail. Honestly, I was bored by the commercials. I was so bored I realized that taking a bubble bath would have a much higher ROI so I gave up on watching the game.

I tried to pin my finger on where my boredom came from – watching the game this year was no different the watching the game any other year. But the commercials were a different story. I wanted to be wowed by the commercials. I wanted to be amazed by the places where an advertising exec’s mind took me. I wanted to watch a commercial that was clever.

I wanted to get the urge to buy.

I should throw out there that I absolutely loved the SoBe commercial. The ballet then dancing concept was amazing and my husband and I couldn’t help but laugh at the trippy place that appeared on our television screen. Good job SoBe!

Instead, I watched a Teleflora commercial and I felt happy that my husband does not send me flowers. I was left thinking that more men should buy gifts like Brian does – he likes to buy unique pieces of jewelry for me that no one else has. Diamonds are forever and Teleflora will just wilt and die.

The eTrade baby reminds me of Ally McBeal, miniskirts and that damn dancing baby that annoyed the crap out of me during my teen years. Have I used eTrade before? No. Did this ad make me want to use their company? Nope.

Budweiser tried to show me a romantic story involving two horses and a circus. I’m a chick and I usually like beer. This should be a slam dunk on their end, right? Wrong. I didn’t feel touched by the horse romance (no “aww” from me) and surprisingly, I really didn’t want to drink at the end of it. By failing to achieve either objective, the failure of both was highlighted in my mind.

There were good moments but nothing that set the bar high. I thought the Budweiser commercial with Conan was funny but it wasn’t the rock star of the night. I did enjoy the Potato Heads (but I can’t remember who was selling what).

For the amount of money that companies spent on these moments of airtime, was it really a good investment? Because the commercials sucked so much during the first half, I didn’t even bother to find out if the second half of commercials would be any good.

The highpoint of my evening had to be Bruce Springsteen smacking some camera man in the face with his crotch. And after that happened, no 30 second commercial could compete with the following conversation in my mind:

Camera Man: Honey, the game was great!

Camera Wife: What happened to your face? Did you get in another bar fight? You can’t coming home like this….

Camera Man: No, baby, I didn’t get in a fight. I was hit in the face with Bruce Springsteen’s crotch!

Camera Wife: Don’t you lie to me! What were you really doing! Were you even at work!

Camera Man: Didn’t you see the game? Bruce was sliding across the stage and he was getting closer and closer to me and then, all of sudden, BAM! His crotch was in my face and the camera gave me a black eye! It was awesome! The Boss’s crotch was like right there!

Camera Wife: I don’t know how I’m married to you.