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  • Archive of "family life" Category

    A Letter to My Oldest

    February 3, 2015 // No Comments »

    Posted in family life, Tristan

    Dear Tristan,

    As I write this, you are curled up on my feet watching Handy Manny. At three years and four months old, you are fascinated with anything related to tools. Anything. You want to know about each tool, what it does, if Daddy uses one at work, how old you need to be before you can have that tool, if Mommy has ever used the tool and so on. We discuss tools at great length. I love seeing your passion develop and I love encouraging you to pursue the things that excite you.

    You love school. You go to the On My Own program at school, twice a week. You love your teachers, you love your friends and you get so serious about telling me about your day. I wish I could be there to drop you off and pick up but fortunately, you still want to tell me about your class when I pick you up from your Mumma’s house at the end of the day. I’m so excited that school is a place you are excited to go and that you feel encouraged in your learning journey.

    You absolutely adore your little brother. You call him your “Wynnipynn” or “Wynn Pynn Pynn”. One of your favorite activities to to tell Wynn about your tools or to give him your old Megablocks while you play next to him with your Duplos. You are his biggest cheerleader during his physical therapy appointments and are very well attuned to his state of being. When he is sick, you want to know what Mommy is doing to fix it. When he is happy, you are usually the source of his mirth.

    I can’t believe you have been mine for so long. My life before you seems like a distant memory. I remember it fondly, it was wonderful and it shaped me into the woman I am today but the present day with you and your brother are so much more vibrant than the life I once lived.

    I love you.

    Mommy

    On Transitioning to a Family of Four

    June 3, 2014 // No Comments »

    Posted in Baby, family life, home life, Siblings, Toddlers

    In my naive, only-child ways, I truly believed adjusting to life as a family of four would be easy. B and I have kept a tiny human alive for the last two years and seven months who has become more and more independent. People far less equipped than us have done the same. And the same less equipped people managed to add additional tiny humans to their families. B and I should have had this in the bag.

    But here’s the thing. Your independent, creative, funny toddler may start to resemble the Honest Toddler. Suddenly there are temper tantrums coming out of a child that previously kept good listening ears on all day. He’ll only want to eat when the baby is eating and the rest of the time can be found orchestrating a hunger strike with a level of enthusiasm that makes you wonder if Child Protective Services will be appearing at your house soon. When he eventually caves on his hunger strikes, he’ll refuse to eat anything but strawberries (which isn’t helpful because you don’t have any in the house).

    Navigating sibling relationships is such a strange journey for me. This is the closest I’ve ever been to siblings before. Even though W is only two weeks old, there is a dynamic relationship forming between him and T. It is fascinating to watch and such a heavy responsibility when I think of all the ways that my behavior will influence that relationship.

    If there is one thing I want for my boys, I want them to be close in adulthood. I want them to feel like they always have each other. I want them to be the best man in the other’s wedding. I want them to always have a sense of family because of the other. I don’t want them to feel alone like I frequently do.

    The one where strangers ask about my uterus

    July 7, 2013 // No Comments »

    Posted in Baby, family life

    I went to a baby shower this afternoon for a girl I had grown up with at church. I am a few years older than she is so at times I felt like there was some confusion from other people about why I was there but there was always a closeness between the two of us.

    Part of what makes a baby shower weird is the number of women who around my mother’s age and older who like to make comments about how “they didn’t have that when I had a baby and my baby turned out fine”. Which may or may not be true, depending on who you ask but that is another topic for another time. What makes it weird is that these are basic safety items. Or items that they wished they had when they were young mom’s but didn’t have available.

    The other part that makes the shower weird is how it prompts women to ask those of child bearing age when they are going to have a baby, have another baby or stop having babies. If you have a boy, you are asked if you want a girl. If you have a girl, you are asked if you want a boy. You’ll be asked how many babies you want and questioned about your work status. I always love the question “So you’re a full time mom?” because it implies that for the 40 hours a week that I’m at my employer’s place of business, I stop being a mother. As if it is a switch that I can flip for 8+ hours a day.

    For the most part, I’m able to remind myself that these questions come from a kind place. People aren’t asking these questions to make me feel uncomfortable or put me on the spot. They are asking these questions to form a bond, to feel a human connection. They are trying to take an interest in my life. And for that, I am grateful.

    Every once in a while, a moment happens that blows my mind. Someone asked me today if I was pregnant as they touched the part of my belly that I’m not quite sure will ever go away even though I’ve been working hard at the gym to lose it. When I smiled and said that I hoped she didn’t know something I didn’t know, she asked if I had plans to get pregnant soon. Apparently, when you pass thirty, time is ticking.

    It made me wonder if my uterus if falling down on the job. I had thought we were okay on time. T is only 20 months, full of energy and at a point where he can feel like a full time job. An adorable full time job but much like a job in retail, you don’t get the chance to get off your feet.

    The worst part if knowing that I’ll probably forget all of this in 30 to 40 years and still ask these awkward questions.

    A one day venture into stay at home motherhood

    April 2, 2012 // No Comments »

    Posted in Baby, family life

    So my mom threw her back out. Like call the doctor, beg for muscle relaxers, hide at home threw her back out. Which is problematic for me because my mom watches Baby T during the day so I can work.

    Of course yesterday we had friends offer to watch T for us but that’s when we still thought my mom would be okay for this morning so I turned them down and then woke up to the realization that it might be too late to call and ask for help. Because they have a little girl who does not sleep through the night with the same level of skill as T and they were probably exhausted.

    So we went to the office because I had two or three things that I just had to get done. And then we went to the supermarket. Mainly because I have this idea that Stay at Home Mommy has the time/energy/sanity to bake and I refuse to pay $45 to order lactation cookies online. We get home. We have a nurse and a cuddle. I put T down for a nap.

    And nothing. The boy won’t sleep. He’ll cry. He’ll wrestle sleep sheep (who is playing whale noises at the moment). He’ll make desperate sounds I refer to as “Raptor Noises”. But he won’t sleep. Apparently, my baby boy will take epic naps at his grandmother’s house for three hours every morning but if I just want him to sleep for an hour and a half so I can make lactation cookies, that is way too much to ask.

    He prefers to sleep on his boppy with my nipple in his mouth. I call it sleep nursing. He’ll sleep as long as he can drool out breast milk but the second that nipple is put away, he’s awake and he’s angry and I have failed as a parent (in his perception, fortunately, not mine).

    I read somewhere that babies save their worst behaviors for their mothers and I wonder if T is testing that already. I suppose if he truly knows my love is unconditional, he can unleash the crazy that he might not want to share with the rest of the world.

    Its a good thing I love his face.

    The one where you find out where I’ve been

    September 8, 2009 // 4 Comments »

    Posted in family life, home life

    Before Labor Day, I took a lifetime supply of books on “How to Write” out from the public library with the intent that I would spend some serious time improving my skills. As with anything in life, writing is a skill that if not used, you will lose. And for the last three months, I just haven’t been flexing my writing muscles.
    Then again, I haven’t really been flexing any muscles. And there is now a Homer Simpson style butt imprint on my new couch that belongs to me and a little kitty butt imprint right next to it.  (By the way, we adopted a kitty.) We are nothing but class at the Morgan household.

    The big reason for all of this was that I was on a medical leave of absence from work for 6 weeks and I’ve only recently gone back to cube land part time. I’d like to say that cube land missed me but there were some dust bunnies forming on my desk while I was out that had started to impersonate me. At least the dust bunnies got a head start on some of my projects for me.

    As for the medical leave of absence, the long and short of it is that I started off with bronchitis that was later re-diagnosed as “Acute Asthmatic Bronchitis” (which there is nothing cute about, FYI). That diagnosis was problematic since I don’t have asthma but they treated the asthma I don’t have any way but the medicine they gave me angered my heart problem and then I was done. 6 weeks later, I’m still moving at a quarter of the pace that I am used to moving at and I feel like I massively missed out on summer. Which are side effects of the fun filled beta-blockers I’ve since been consuming twice daily.
    So while everyone else was out there enjoying the sun and wearing bikinis on the beach, I was on the couch. All day. Every day. I’d like to tell you that it was exciting but the most excitement I got was the day I decided to watch all of the Terminator movies in one sitting (hence the Homer Simpson style butt print). I also had great plans that I was going to expand my mind while I was out of work, but I was really lying to myself. I did a lot of reading but my mind was so foggy (and still is to a certain extent) that I wasn’t reading anything challenging. For example, I’ve had Saint Augustine’s “Confessions” on my reading list for about three years and this was not my summer to finally read it. I think I lasted about five pages before I decided to go back to bed.

    In the same line of thought, I had great plans to do lots of writing. After finding a box filled with my poetry from college, I thought I spend some time writing poems. Or maybe I’d would spend some time creating some blog drafts and cleaning up a few writing projects that have been littering my kitchen table for a while now. I did none of it.

    The most ambition I had all summer was fold hundreds of paper stars while watching movies and painting my nails at least twice a week.

    I’m not saying any of this to complain but more to explain: at the moment, I am prone to rambling due to a lack of human interaction. Remember community? I needed more of it than I was able to receive for six long weeks. Sadly, while I’m able to hide my temporary rambling tendencies in person (unless you are Brian or Oliver, in which case, you are getting hit with all of it) hiding those rambling tendencies is a bit more difficult while writing. Because in my head I have so much I want to share with everyone that I haven’t said in months.

    And I miss blogging. I miss sharing ideas and encountering new ideas I can barely wrap my mind around and I miss commenting. I miss twitter and Facebook and the good feeling that comes with a morning coffee (decaf these days) and a full Google reader that desperately needs attention.

    It is good to see all of you again. Excuse the rambling, the books I picked up just didn’t help with that.

    Save New Beginnings

    May 26, 2009 // 5 Comments »

    Posted in challenges, community, education, family life

    Bensalem School District wants to cancel New Beginnings, a program geared towards helping teenage moms get their high school degrees and learn how to care for their children. I don’t live in Bensalem but this drives me nuts – the New Beginnings program is a great example of being proactive  with a community problem. Run by Patti Pearson, New Beginnings has a 90% graduation rate for its program participants.

    What I love most this program is that it breaks the cycle. By supporting these young women in difficult circumstances, New Beginnings give their children a better chance in life. Patti’s love for the young women she works with is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

    The other thing I love about this program is that it is the community that solves the problem. Instead of waiting for the federal or state governement to step in and save the day, Bensalem School District took charge. These women were part of the community and were given resources to not onlyhelp themselves but ultimately contribute towards the community.

    Please check out the following post by Kathrin Ivanovic at The Diversity Projekt. If you are able to help support this important program, it would be greatly appreciated.

    10 weeks later: I cry

    April 27, 2009 // 4 Comments »

    Posted in challenges, changes, family life

    My grandfather once tried to teach me not to cry.

    “Doie”, using his childhood nickname for me, “when you are dead and gone, you are just that. Dead and gone. Crying won’t bring you back so don’t cry when I’m gone.”

    Of course, I cried when he was gone. And he was right. Crying did not raise him from the dead, nor did it further cement him in my mind.

    All crying did was make my eyes burn until I was all cried out. Or maybe I was just so dehydrated, my body found it to be physically impossible to cry any more.

    Either way, I didn’t really cry for six weeks even though I needed to cry. Sometimes a single sob would escape my mouth but I could not sustain it. There were no more tears to give.

    I couldn’t cry if my life depended on it. I wanted to cry, I just couldn’t remember how to do it.

    I didn’t cry when I read his obituary in the local newspaper and saw my name on the list of his survivors. And I didn’t feel like I was surviving.

    I didn’t cry when my fingers touched the laminated prayer card I kept in my purse that my mother gave me before the memorial service.

    I didn’t cry when we divided his belongings amongst us, looking like vultures but feeling like the desperate who needed to cling to a memory.

    Instead, I finally cried in a mall food court like a raving lunatic on a beautiful , sunny Saturday afternoon. I cried so hard, I freaked out a little boy in a Little League uniform at the table next to me. He, in turn, burst into tears and spilled his chocolate milk all over himself.

    No one else seemed to notice. No one else seemed to care.

    He still didn’t come back even though my mouth tasted like a peculiar form of grief I had not discovered earlier.

    Time had moved forward as time often does. While physically, I moved forward, emotionally, I stopped on February 19th. Since then, I merely went through the motions. It was all just make believe.

    Sitting in a consumer wasteland, the truth of the matter was realized.

    Define Family

    February 26, 2009 // 2 Comments »

    Posted in adoption, changes, family life, marriage, relationships

    For the last few months, I’ve been thinking a lot about blended families. I grew up in a blended family. My father is not my bio father. My mother is my biological mother. I was raised by my grandparents. And then I was raised by my mom and dad but not bio dad. And then I was adopted.

    It gets confusing.

    But I’m not the only one in this situation.

    I would tell you that the face of a typical American family is changing but the truth of the matter is the face of the typical American family has not existed for years. I hope I am not telling you anything you had not heard or experienced before.

    As the composition of families change, many of us are going to have to reevaluate our definitions of families. Does a family consist solely of a husband, a wife and at least one child? How do adopted children fit into our ideas of family? Can step parents be included in our definition of family while excluding bio parents? Can grandparents realistically double as parents? Is there really such a thing as immediate family versus extended family? Can a couple constitute a family unit? Does gender or sexual orientation matter when we talk about family structure?

    As we struggle to answer these questions within the context of our own lives, we will also find that many companies will have to do the same thing. But, the upside is that as Gen X and Gen Y rise through the ranks of their organizations, their home life experience will have a large impact on how these definitions are shaped. We grew up in a world where these questions had to be asked. And while our Baby Boomer friends may have created that world, they never had to face the repercussions.

    And really, that benefits all of us.

    Passing On: my introduction to death and dying

    February 19, 2009 // 5 Comments »

    Posted in changes, faith, family life, love

    Dorie and Gampy
    Dorie and Gampy

    If you’ve been following along here for a while, you may have noticed that my grandfather has not been doing well. It’s been breaking my heart to see him suffer.

    As a loved one, it feels next to impossible to make difficult decisions during the end of life. Sometimes honoring their wishes means making insanely painful decisions. Sometimes it means watching and feeling helpless.
    After five years of struggle, my grandfather let go this morning and passed. I’m filled with a strange mixture of grief and relief. While I am so grateful that his suffering is over, I realize that I am now starting the next phase of my life and I do not have his wisdom next to me to directly guide me through this.
    I am so very, very grateful to have had 26 good years with my grandfather. He was more than a grandfather to me: he was my best friend, my mentor, my teacher. Grandfather became a term that was severely inadequate to describe all that he was in my life. At some point over the years, “Grandpa” was shortened to “Gampy” and that name somehow seems most fitting.
    I am grateful for a grandfather who helped me when I was small with my homework. He encouraged my curiousity about the world around me. He humored my experiments in making peanut butter in a blender when we ran out of Skippy (we never did perfect that recipe).  He took me bike riding at Core Creek Park after Summer Theatre in the afternoons. He never just told me “no” or “because I said so” – he explored the why with me and encouraged me to ask tough questions of my surroundings. I will always look back with fond memories of times when he taught me about physics while also teaching me about world history (he was a pilot in the Civil Air Patrol so it works better than most people realize). He taught me about the importance of being mindful of current events while always remembering the past (by the way, he was not a fan of the current economic stimulus plan). He gave me his car when I graduated from college to give me a head start in my adult life.
    My Gampy taught me about how to give and receive unconditional love. He instilled a strong Protestant work ethic in me. He gave me a dry sense of humor (not very useful in a small child but I wouldn’t trade it for anything now). He made Patsy Cline, Glenn Miller and Ella Fitzgerald into the sweetest lullabies. He offered forgiveness freely and unwavering faith in my abilities and place in the world.
    I was blessed to spend a quiet, undisturbed hour with him last night that I will always cherish. I know when he slipped away, it was peaceful and quiet. It was with dignity. It was with grace. While I ache now, I am grateful that in the end his wishes were honored.
    I
    ‘ll be taking a little break from blogging. I’m not quite sure how long it will be. I need to take some time to be quiet with my family and process what this major change will be for us. I am looking forward to connecting with everyone again after I have a better sense of how my life has changed.
    Thank you for all of your support. It is appreciated deeply by myself, Brian and our family.

    We are the lucky ones

    February 12, 2009 // 1 Comment »

    Posted in challenges, changes, family life, husband, money, work life

    I usually don’t like to blog about the recession – it seems pointless to me. My husband and I aren’t really that special as far as an economic example. We both have jobs, we have no kids, I have student loans, and we just bought a house. Sure there are differences between our situation and our friends’ situations but in most cases the similarities are greater than the differences.

    And besides, usually the recession doesn’t hit too close to home.

    Brian and I are the lucky ones. I work in pharmaceuticals and while there have been some layoffs in the industry, I don’t need to worry about it too much. Brian has much less job security than I do though. Why? He is a finish carpenter. He doesn’t work unless you want to build or remodel.

    We’ve been lucky though. Most days there is work for him. Most of the time, he can bring home a full paycheck. And on the days there is no work available for him, we try to remember that we’ve been given the blessing of an extra day to work on our home.

    We’ve heard the horror stories. We had a friend who kept showing up at job sites and asking if there was any work available. He had great carpentry skills but was usually find work as a punch out guy or a paint and spackle bitch. We know another guy who took a huge pay cut just to stay with the home builder he had worked for. It helped him survive the layoff but it certainly didn’t help him pay child support.

    The faces at the job sites are changing. Everyone is just trying to get by and many of the builders are just trying to keep their doors open. Supervisors are doing the work usually reserved for day laborers.

    This past week, there were three horrible days when there was no work for Brian. The first day wasn’t so bad. The second day was concerning and annoying. The third day had my stomach in a knot: how were we going to pay the mortgage? What cuts can we make to our budget? Is the peanut butter I purchase for his lunch every day too expensive?

    I also knew I was being ridiculous.

    By Friday morning, I was a wreck. Was this a sign of things to come? Would I become the primary breadwinner in our family? Had the recession finally hit our home?

    Fortunately there was work for Brian. And my sanity quickly returned as I heard the news. I could have danced around the office in joy. Once again, we were blessed.

    When times are good, it can be so easy for this carpenter’s wife to forget what the bad looks like. When people are buying new homes or remodeling their old homes, my husband makes considerably more money than I do. He makes a family’s life better by changing the space they live in, transforming it into something truly beautiful.

    But when the economic climate changes, our lifestyle changes very quickly. Even when we are the lucky ones.

    This past week was a reminder, while we don’t have to make any major changes to the way we live right now, this is the time to start cutting back a bit. Do we really need to spend this much money on a gift? Why do I think I need new clothes? How can I save money at the grocery store? Why do we have so many online game accounts anyway?

    So far, the biggest changes we have had to make involve changing our remodeling schedule for the house. While we had hoped to put in new windows this spring (the current windows are ancient), we’ll have to wait until 2010. After all, there are 20 windows that need replacing. That could easily cost us four thousand dollars to do the job properly. We’re going to wait a little longer to build our master bedroom suite but that’s okay. Keeping a roof over our heads is far more important.

    We’ve also had to rethink about how we want to vacation. While we had been hoping that 2009 would be a big vacation year, we just can’t spend money that way right now. And if at the last minute, there was work available for Brian, we would have to take advantage of the available work. We’ll probably go camping this year (while I have separation anxiety from my laptop until it fully sinks in that I’ll be able to catch up on my reading list).

    Navigating a recession and keeping your sanity means you need to stay focused on what you have and what you can do. I have a husband who loves me. I have a roof over my head. I have a good life. I can feel grateful for what I have. I can make wise choices with the things entrusted to my care. I can keep my eyes on what is coming over the horizon.

    Change is always coming. What “this too shall pass” really means is cherish it while you have it. Even if it is unpleasant.