Dorie Morgan’s Rising Up
Navigating Twenty-Something Suburban Life
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Archive of "challenges" Category
Life with Don
I keep finding posts and articles about Gen Y and moving back home stumble flash across my browser and I think it’s time I say something about it. Mostly in the form of a confession.
Brian and I have spent the first 18 months of our marriage living with my father-in-law, Don. I usually try to avoid saying it flat out but I know I’ve alluded to it in the past in both comments and posts.My name is Dorie, I’m 26 and I’m a boomerang kid.
I moved back home follow graduation. Which was horrible. I am convinced that the only way possible for my mother and me to function as rational people is for us to live in different zip codes. Life post graduation in my childhood bedroom was mind numbingly horrible. We fought constantly, I tried to be drunk for as much of it as humanly possible and I was stuck. It’s a miracle anyone survived.
Then I met Brian, we decided to get married and I moved into his father’s house. Most women fear moving from their father’s house and directly into their husband’s house. Brian and I were flat broke and that wasn’t an option.
We spent the first six months on a futon on the floor of his high school bedroom. For the last year, we’ve actually had a bed to sleep on. It was by no means comfortable living but we did it.
Part of the weirdness comes from the fact that I run my late mother-in-law’s household. It’s her organizational systems that I maintain. I cook in her kitchen. I use her washer and dryer for the household’s laundry. It kind of feels like limbo. Because it is limbo.
So why did we do it?
1. Housing in Lower Bucks County is really expensive. A one bedroom apartment in the bad part of town will set you back at least eight hundred dollars a month. For about four hundred dollars more, we could get a mortgage. Since we were committed to the Philadelphia area, why rent when we could buy?
2. We could not afford to buy a house right away. We did not have enough money for a down payment. It took about a year for us to save enough money for a down payment. Had we been renting, we calculate it would have taken 3 to 4 years to save enough money.
3. We wanted a place we could stay rent free while we renovated a home. Brian is a carpenter. It made sense to get a handyman’s special.
4. Nine months before our wedding, Brian’s mom passed away. Moving was just too painful.
Now that our time in Brian’s childhood home is wrapping up, I catch myself reflecting on the time. There are a lot of pros and a lot of cons too.
Pro: It taught us how to fight. Having someone else in the house to hear it when we were disagreeing helped us to stay kind to each other. Because it’s one thing to have in-laws. It’s a whole different thing to have your spouse’s family hear your disagreements. The upside is that we’re pretty good with disagreeing without yelling.
Con: Sometimes you just want a good fight with no one listening. Sometimes I want to rant and rave like an absolute lunatic and not have my father-in-law listening to my insanity.
Pro: It’s broken down the typical “in-law” issues. Brian’s dad isn’t just “my father-in-law” but Don. He’s a real three dimensional person, not just someone to deal with at family functions. These living arrangements have connected me to Brian’s family in ways our marriage couldn’t do by itself.
Con: It makes it harder to be “Dorie” in terms other than “Brian and Dorie”. Limited living space a couple means that there is also limited space for me to still be home but alone. For the first 6 months, we were literally on top of each other because our “bed” was so small. We now live in two rooms but it can still be a challenge.
Pro: We didn’t have to buy what was available. We were able to be fussy about the house we purchased because we didn’t have to worry about when a lease would be up. We also were able to start our renovations without having live in construction or pay rent. It took a lot of pressure off.
Con: Sometimes it took a little too much pressure off us. To the point of becoming lazy. It becomes easier to say “no, I won’t work on the house today because it is raining” instead of saying “I have to move in a month, I have to get to work”.
Pro: We were able to save a ton of money. We were able to have money for a down payment for our home and still have money left over for renovations. I won’t say we are rolling in cash but we are able to get by today without too much panic.
Con: Sometimes it was really tempting to spend that money. Sometimes we were able to practice self control, other times we just couldn’t do it. While I may have loved coming home some days to random jewelry surprises (“Hello Sapphires, I love the way you look on me too”), it did not help our plan to put money aside.
Overall, living with Brian’s dad has been very good for us but I’m not sure I would recommend it to anyone else. If you do find yourself in a situation where you are married and living at home, set some ground rules first and get those rules in writing. Some questions you should ask:
1. Are we expected to pay rent? How much? What day should I give you money?
2. What household responsibilities are we responsible for?
3. What household errands are we responsible for?
4. What are your responsibilities are you response for as the home owner?
5. How will we handle the holiday seasons?
6. What are restrictions for having guests over?Treat everything like it is a business arrangement. It may sound impersonal but it is a key part of maintaining a functioning family in an awkward situation.
And don’t forget to make an exit plan too!
Wasteful Spending in Suburbia
I don’t usually think of myself as a wasteful person. I don’t like to think that I throw my resources away. I would like to think of myself as a person who consciously uses the things in my life.
Should I mention again that I live in the suburbs?
The suburbs are a wasteful place. It is difficult to live here without your own vehicle. Carpooling is a suburban myth – sure, you could carpool but if you wanted to share your space with other people, you would live in the city.
The suburbs are also based entirely on consumerism. Here we keep up with the Jones’. We also keep up with the Smith’s (I heard they bought a brand new car), the Johnson’s (they are remodeling their kitchen, sweetheart, when are we going to remodel our kitchen, I need granite countertops) and everyone else on the block (Honey, do something, someone might get ahead of us).
But we don’t like to say we’re “keeping up”. Mainly because “keeping up” really means “falling behind”. Instead we are “getting ahead” and “living up to our potential”. Both of those terms translate into “I can’t stop to take a vacation or I could lose all of my stuff”.
Translation: this is a wasteful life.
We waste our money on things we cannot afford. We waste our time in ridiculous commutes because we live so far away from where the jobs are located. We waste our families because we fail to instill a sense of community in our children.
We waste.
We have so much and yet we value so little of it.
We like to be trendy. We go green, rarely because we genuinely care about the world we are leaving for our children but because everyone else is going green. We don’t want to be left out.
We build a false sense of community on trends. Those trends make us feel like we are apart of something bigger than ourselves but because trends quickly pass, we are constantly looking for the next thing that will make us fill connected. And if we are the first to discover something new and trendy, it makes us feel as if we are more valuable than everyone around us.
It is shallow.
I want to change. I want to change the way suburbia lives but I have to change the way I live first.
I’m starting a savings challenge with myself today. I have to be honest: this is not the first time I’ve had a savings challenge. Usually, my challenges consist of no lattes for as long as I can bear or no new shoes or only peanut butter and jelly until I’m malnourished.
This savings challenge will be much more balanced. No wacky extremes. Just serious questions: How often do I really need to have my eyebrows waxed? How much food do we really need to buy at the grocery store? If I buy the cheaper item, will I have to replace it next month?
I’ll be sticking with it for 30 days. Wish me luck.
Dorie vs. The Breast Pump
On Friday, I spent 45 minutes wandering around Target trying to buy a breast pump.
I think it might have been the most challenging thing I attempted to do all week.
And I walked into Target thinking it would be easy. After all, people have babies all the time. And lactating women use breast pumps all the time. How hard could it be? I might not have a child myself but I have breasts and a college degree so I should be able to figure this out without a problem!
I thought wrong.
I never realized it but there are so many options available. On one hand, this is great. Women have the chance to select the option that they like best. Manual or automatic! Your choice! You can pick a brand, the features you want, the price point you are most comfortable purchasing.
On the other hand, there were so many choices. And I hadn’t done research in advance. I didn’t really know what I was looking for. I just knew I had to buy a breast pump.
I started wandering up and down the aisles of the baby section, looking for new moms. I needed advice and who better to pass out that information than a woman with a baby. Even if a woman doesn’t have her baby with her, you can tell she’s a new mom because she’s in the baby section with an exhausted look in her eyes. She’s also moving with incredible speed because she knows the faster she finishes, the better her chances are of five extra moments of sleep.
The women who are not new moms can be spotted because they look so excited to be purchasing impractical baby supplies.
I asked three women for guidance and all of them told me that they didn’t breast feed. One woman told me she was concerned about losing the shape of her breasts. Another woman asked me when I had my baby (um, no?!) which was when I realized that I would have to make a decision by myself.
I picked up a manual pump and what I thought would be everything I needed to get someone started with a breast pump. The box wasn’t very clear but I thought I had everything I needed. I had breast shields. I had breast pads. I had empty bottles and I had caps for those bottles. I had both slow and medium flow nipples. I had freezer bags for breast milk. And I had a friendly guide to breast feeding (which would hopefully make up for the unfriendly lactation consultant my sister-in-law had been subjected to).
I felt quite proud of myself. A twenty-something woman without a baby in Target had successfully purchased a breast pump! Without months of research and consumer reviews! Without the help of someone who had breastfed! Without crying from frustration! Forty five minutes and one hundred dollars later, I had purchased a breast pump! My niece would be well fed! I was victorious!
And when I got back to the apartment, I discovered it was also without those wonderful plastic rings that would attach the nipple to bottle. Forget slow or medium flow, the only way this milk was ending up in my niece’s belly would involve her mastering holding a non-sippy cup and consuming from it at the tender age of five days old.
Three stores later, I gave up on finding rings sold separately and purchased a new set of bottles. This time with rings.
At least I learned.
I’m not a parent. At least not yet. But my niece is teaching me the same lessons in flexibility and adaptability that she is teaching her parents. But I didn’t have to live through pregnancy and labor and child birth to get those lessons.
Thank God. I’m not sure I’m ready for the lessons that come from child birth just yet.
How to look normal at work
If you have been following along for the last few weeks, you may have noticed that life is very up and very down right now. On side of things, I bought my dream home and I’m thrilled (even though there may be issues with keys, U&O and dead bodies). But on the other side of my life, there is family stress (with the worst of it being that my 87 year old grandfather breaking his hip). And then there’s this thing called blogging that I love to do and that other thing. I think it’s called my job (you know, that place you go to for at least eight hours a day and they give you money).
To be quite honest, I’m struggling not to be a complete train wreck. I think I’m keeping it somewhat together but every now and then, the desperation seeps into my tweets. And sometimes it seeps into my blog posts but I keep hoping that it reads as insightful.
I’m really struggling with the work thing though. Part of me wants to hide under my desk and cry all day or take Costanza naps because I’m not really sleeping at night. But more of me wants to kick ass and not let my personal life impact my work life.
But here’s the thing: What I really want is a blended life. I really want a life that isn’t deeply compartmentalized. And my personal life is going to impact my work life. I know I haven’t really been my best lately.
The question then becomes how can I step back slightly at work without letting my team down?
Talking: As per usual, my direct supervisor and HR know what is going on. Part of me was hesitant to tell them but here’s the deal: If I don’t tell them what’s going on, I only shoot myself in the foot. I’ve also told the administrative staff (because if the phone call comes in that I have to take off for the hospital, I would hope the admins would hunt me down right away).
But what about the rest of my coworkers? Should they know? The people on my team know that I have some personal events going on and I may need a little more flexibility right now. I’m not asking them to bend over backwards for me but I am letting them know that I may need a slightly longer lead time on some projects.
As for the other people I work with, if they ask, I’ll tell them what’s going on but I’m leaving the details out of it. “My grandfather fell and broke his hip so I’m spending a lot of time at the nursing home with him” is a perfectly acceptable response to give. “Well, my grandfather fell and he broke his hip so there was surgery to replace the hip but now my mom and I are concerned that’s he’s being….” is not an acceptable response. No one wants to hear that much. Oh and if they don’t ask, I’m not telling.
Projects: This is not the time to be superwoman in the office. While I always love to bite off more than I can chew, now I’m focusing on the tedious tasks that my department had been putting off. There are several benefits to this approach.
- These tasks are very repetitive. I can put on some music and zone out to the task at hand.
- I can have a little less interaction with people at time when interaction overwhelms me. I have this habit of crying at the drop of a hat and it is more than slightly embarrassing at times like this. By keeping a low profile, I can get things done without having to hide in the bathroom to cry.
- No one else wants to do these jobs but they have to get done. I’m taking some of the nagging pressure off of my team.
To Do Lists: I’ve always been a compulsive list maker but when times get rough, a good list can be a saving grace. When I get to the office every morning, I make a list of the top ten things that I need to do that day to keep things running smoothly. And I stick to ten things so I don’t overwhelm myself at 7 in the morning. Then I rank those items but how important they are and I start with the most important item. It’s a simple approach but it helps me keep my priorities in order. When I can’t trust myself to make consistent decisions about priorities, my list allows me to make most of my decisions for the day at a time when my mind is the clearest.
We all have times in our lives where life overwhelms us and it’s tough to keep it together. But we have to keep it together because life won’t stop moving forward because we aren’t sure what to do next. As adults, it is our job to tell the people around when we need help or when we think we are dropping the ball.
Coping with Disabilities: How I can be ADD in the office
I have a love/hate relationship with my Attention Deficit Disorder. Since I was diagnosed at 13, dealing with ADD has been a confusing but rewarding battle of me versus me. In school, ADD meant more time for assignments, tutors if I wanted one and a steady diet of Ritalin. In the working world, ADD means creating a system of coping mechanisms that make me look quirky and neurotic.
It’s taken me a long time to get to the love portion of the ADD relationship. Prior to my diagnosis, I knew that I operated differently from my peers, I just didn’t understand why. In middle school and high school, Ritalin helped me focus but I hated the side effects. I had no desire to eat, my creativity was stifled and I was unable to sleep for more than three hours a night starting when I was 14. By the time I got to college, I knew something had to give.
I decided sophomore year in college that I had enough of the medication. I got to this point where the ability to focus just wasn’t worth the side effects. And then I struggled. I decided I didn’t want to have extra help that the college could provide me because no one would offer me extra help when I got into the real world just because I had ADD. And without the medication, I had no idea how to learn.
The plus side of a med free life was worth it for a time. My creativity flooded back to me. Suddenly, I had a desire to eat again (sadly, while there was no “freshman fifteen” my new found love of food led to a sophomore twenty five!). Without medication, I was brazen. Walking into a room where I knew no one was okay and actually enjoyable. And I discovered that it wasn’t that I had a problem focusing – I just couldn’t select what I would focus on.
Oh, and I finally was able to sleep for more than three hours at a time. Who knew feeling well rested would feel so good!
Then my grades went down. Ultimately, it took me five years to finish undergrad. Not being able to choose to focus on classes made writing papers and reading assignments brutal. But the ability to hyper focus enabled me to read all of Ayn Rand’s work my junior year (don’t ask me why that was able to capture my attention). Getting up each day to do work was a battle but getting up each day to discover new things was thrilling.
Post college life was interesting. Realizing that I couldn’t keep struggling, my doctor and I decided it was time for me to try new medication, this time in the form of Stratera. It seemed like a great idea at first but I soon discovered that the side effects were hellish. The world, which had been so vibrant for my four med-free years, was suddenly flat. Because strattera is a mild antidepressant, there were no emotional lows but that also meant there were no emotional highs. When I broke up with my five year on again off again boyfriend for the last time, I knew I should be sad but I just didn’t care. There was also absolutely no desire for sex and a desire to sleep for twelve hours a day. But I could focus.
Once again, this was not an option that would last very long.
I’ve been med-free for a little over two years now. The breakup with my ex was what finally led me to give up the idea that medicine would “fix” me. If I was unable to feel, what good was I as a person? I’ve been in pursuit of holistic, natural care ever since.
Surprisingly, the med free life has made my ADD more manageable than it ever was before. Here’s how I am able to do this now:
Holistic/Natural Medical treatment – I’ve been seeing a chiropractor for two years and three months. When I first went to Gorman Optimal Health Solutions, I thought the guy was nuts for telling me that he could treat ADD through adjustments and supplements. And then I discovered he was right. Before I start having back pain, I’ll notice I am out of alignment because I am more easily distracted.
Supplements – I take 5-HTP at meal times. It is believed to help children and adults with over focused ADD. Ravers take it to offset some of the fun after effects of ecstasy. There are plenty of supplement options that are suggested for ADD but after much trial and error (with the guidance of my doctor) this is what we discovered worked best for me.
Exercise – If I don’t get at least 30 minutes of vigorous exercise in a day, I’m done. My best days for focusing mean that I spent about 90 minutes in the gym in the morning. Exercise quiets my mind and it quiets my body. While I never had the stereotypical hyperactivity, I am constantly fidgeting with my hair, things in my pockets and items on my desk. Besides, exercise is just good for you.
Diet – As tempting as dessert can be, I can’t focus after eating sugary foods. Its okay to have a treat at home once in a while but if I hit the office candy dish, I can forget about focusing on the job they pay me to do. I do best when I stay away from carbs during the day and wait until I get home at night to enjoy them.
Color Coding – I have a ridiculous system of color coding in my FranklinCovey planner but it extends to other areas of my life. Work life items are blue. Yellow is for medical. Pink is for me. Orange is for home. Purple is for church. The list goes on and on. Certain times I focus on certain colors.
Limit Multitasking – It always seems like multitasking is a great idea but it fails me more times than it helps me. Instead, I focus on short bursts. I break most of my daily tasks into twenty to thirty minute blocks of time. Anything more than that I get distracted. In between those blocks, I give myself a mini break – I get a glass of water, I stretch, I check out a post of Brazen Careerist or I find a reason to talk to a coworker.
Talk about it – HR knows about my ADD. My direct supervisor knows about it. And a few of the moms that work in my office know about it as well. I do not broadcast it – there is no reason to show up at work with a flashing neon sign that reads “Dorie has Attention Deficit Disorder” but trying to hide it does not work either. HR and my direct supervisor need to know. But it isn’t enough to walk into their offices, say “Hi, I have ADD” and then leave. By having conversations about what my strengths and weaknesses are, they are able to work with me. And really, that is good advice for anyone regardless of whether or not there is a disability.
But why do I talk to office moms about it? Some of them are learning how to deal with parenting an ADD child. I believe its important for them to see how coping with ADD as a child translates into coping with ADD as an adult. If they can benefit from my experiences, it was worth it to share.
GenPink
Have you been to GenPink today? Its written by Elysa Rice and it talks about finding the balance in the twenty something female life. I’ve been hooked on her blog since she wrote her ABC’s of Gen Y. Elysa is also a member of the Brazen Careerist network.
Elysa was kind enough to share a post I wrote about Internal Interviews. Please check it out!
My day without talking
My day is feeling like a giant twitter. In fact, I might be more effective if that was the only way I communicated. This morning when I woke up, I discovered that my mouth was full of ulcers. Besides being really gross, it is also annoying because it hurts to talk and eat. I also couldn’t kiss my husband goodbye when he left for work this morning which just makes me sad.
When I got to work this morning, my very hungry self had to try to communicate this with HR. Seeing as I can’t really talk, this consisted of me writing notes to HR and the HR manager looking confused. Since my little meeting this morning, an email has been circulated to the staff that I can’t talk and I have a sign on my desk explaining the situation to anyone who opted out of reading the email.
Strangely enough, I’m having a really good day.
My day of silence is really freeing me up to get things done.
Its forcing me to really think about the words I choose. When someone comes over to my desk to ask a question, I have to write a response. Since most people don’t really want to stand around while I write them a book, I’m trying to keep my responses around the size of a tweet. Any response that would require more than that gets shown my post-it that says “Send me an email”.
I have pre-made responses. Next to me are four post-it notes. One says yes. One says no. One says send me an email. And another says “Thanks”. Guess which post-it I’m using the most – Thanks! And since everyone loves hearing “thanks”, most people are leaving my desk happy when they read it.
Email is my best friend today. Email allows me to give each person a thoughtful response. Not talking means there is a little more time allowed to think.
By changing the way I communicate within my workplace, I change the way I work. For at least today, I am freed my perceived need to multitask. Focusing on one task at a time really lets me clear those nagging items off of my to do list and produce a higher quality of work.
This certainly isn’t something I would want to do everyday but once in a while, it’s important to be silent to focus on what your priorities are.
Do something that scares you: I’m a model
I’ve dabbled in and out of modeling for a few years now. It has never been something that I have seriously pursued. Most of my jobs are usually booked because I have a friend who is an artist and they need someone for figure studies or a particular project. The rest of my jobs are booked because an artist knows some of my artist friends and then it just becomes an exercise in networking. I don’t model very much anymore because I would rather spend time with Brian (I already spend enough time at the office).
It rarely is particularly challenging for me although sitting for a painting was brutal. Usually, I just show up, do my thing and go home. I earn some extra money or I help out a friend and I go home happy.
The Well is hosting its third annual Art Show and Fashion Show next weekend. One of the things that draws me to this show is that it is all about social justice and helping local artists have a forum to show their work. It is the community aspect of it that I really love more than anything.
Part of the fashion aspect is a runway show. I’ve never been a runway model. But I also know that the time in my life where I could be a runway model is quickly coming to an end.
I signed up to model. And quite frankly, I am scared out of my mind.
The dress rehearsal was on Saturday night and I think I was the largest model there. I’m by no means a big girl but when the designer asks you what size you are and he responds with a weird face and a “ooh” and then more of a weird face… well, it can be a bit brutal on one’s self esteem.
I’m putting myself out there, good or bad. I’d like to think I’m putting on a brave face but as I worked my way down the walk, one of the coordinators screamed out “STOP THINKING SO MUCH”.
There may be a distinct possibility that I will make a complete ass out of myself.
But I’m also okay with that. Life is too short to not take risks.
And usually what we fear turns into something we enjoy. Fear is a lot like change - it really isn’t all that permanent. Yes, I could fall flat on my face as I walk (while wearing a miniskirt that barely covers my butt). But I could also look fabulous. And most likely, I will look back as an old woman and tell annoying stories to my grandkids about how I was a model. And hopefully, I’ll jump start some desire in them to be scared.
At least this week, I have extra motivation to stay out of the company candy dish.
Are you ready to be a person now?
One of my little pleasures in life is teaching Sunday School to the kids at my church. I attend a very small church with one Sunday school room and two Sunday school classes. I usually end up with a class of 3 to 6 year olds with another teacher taking the older kids (1st to 6th grades). If this situation sounds crazy to you, then you are right… it is crazy! But I love it. I love watching the kids help each other with projects and seeing them grow together despite the age differences. It is also amazing to hear about the world from their perspectives.
This past Sunday, I only had four kids in my class which was a nice change of pass for us. The kids made BONKS Boxes (Box of Neat and Cool Stuff) to remind them of things that make them happy. Very cute idea. The youngest in the class, Lynx, was having a brutal time trying to stay still and listen. He wanted no part of putting his listening ears on. It was one of those moments where you are trying desperately not to giggle uncontrollably because you are trying to retain some semblance of control. It was not working out for me.
Eventually, I hauled Lynx onto my lap while I gave the lesson and I told him that he could leave my lap when he was ready to be a person. After a few minutes, he started to squirm and I asked him if he was going to be a person. He said yes, was released and promptly proved he was not ready to be a person. Back onto my lap he went, this time with much more fight in him.
After about five minutes, he starts squirming a bit and looks at me with these HUGE blue eyes and tells me “I’m ready to be a person now”.
Wow. Despite my expectation that Lynx acts like a person, I wasn’t expecting him to be ready to be a person. He’s 3 years old. I’m 25. I’m still not always ready to be a person. Most of the time, I’m just faking it.
I know that Lynx had next to no understanding about what those words really meant to an adult. To Lynx, being a person just meant that he got to sit on the floor with the other kids. Being a person meant liberation.
I have this idea in my head that being a person means that you have it all together and are moving forward with your life but I am also fairly certain that my idea is probably not accurate or even possible. Maybe Lynx’s idea of what being a person is – just being out there on your own – is the way I should be thinking about it.
The truth is, as an adult, I want to overcomplicate everything. I want to confuse what it really means to be a person. Maybe it is because I am not fully grounded, maybe it is because I am desperately searching for meaning that isn’t there. I overcomplicate my ideas about what being a person means as a way to justify my place in the universe.
Ten things I learned during Easter
Brian and I babysat for his nieces and nephew from Thursday night to Monday morning. We had a great weekend but now I’m still too tired to think. I should have pictures up sometime this week, but for now, a brief list on what I learned during the weekend.
1. Baking cookies is an amazing response to the “I’m bored” statement.
2. Broccoli is mean and horrible and will be the downfall of children everywhere.
3. If one discovers that a certain little Monkey is having a meltdown, bath time can very quickly rescue the meltdown participants.
4. “The Lord of the Beans” is a cute movie the first time you see it. The twelfth time, not so much.
5. “Did you put the lid down? Did you wash your hands? Did you turn off the light?” is a perfectly acceptable to chant at small children coming out of the bathroom. It is not acceptable to chant at husbands however.
6. “Can I do that?” is a surprisingly unnerving question.
7. I yawn more during a bed time story than the kids do.
8. I have an amazing/terrifying ability to channel my mother as needed. (Example: You can have cereal or you can have toast but you must have breakfast or I am going to count to five and you are not going to like it when I reach five.)
9. Adults are really the ones who over complicate things. As my niece Julie told me, “It is simple, really…”
10. Yes, blowing out eggs to dye for Easter really is difficult. Yes, it does taste really bad. And no, you cannot do it.
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