So I’ve been thinking about relationships and education lately.
I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration focusing in Entrepreneurial Studies. I fantasize about graduate school. I take Continuing Education Credits at the local community college whenever money permits so I can continue to expand my skill set. I read at least three books a week.
And then there is Brian. Brian was home schooled (he graduated from “Morgan Academy”). He put in a few years at a local community college but didn’t complete his Associate’s Degree. When the opportunity arose for him to learn a trade, he grabbed a hold of the opportunity. He is now a skilled finish carpenter. In the almost two years that we have been married, I have seen him read one book (“The Shy Little Puppy” which our 6 month old niece loved, FYI).
The gap between our levels of education will continue to grow over time. Brian doesn’t dream about school. (He also doesn’t dream about his marketable job skills but I do). We both know that on our mutual wish lists for the future, more education for me is high on the list.
We aren’t the only couple we know in this situation. We spend a lot of time with couples that have a college educated wife and a high school educated husband. Most of the husbands work in skilled trades, but not all of them do. Most of the husbands have also started a college degree but opted not to finish it.
I wonder what this will mean for us in the future.
Do you and your partner have the same level of education? Who has more? How has that impacted your relationship? Do either of you want to go back to school?
Leslie said...
1Hi Dorie,
I have lots of ideas about this, but here are just a few:
1) It is easier doing graduate school when you’re both doing grad school. When we have nights doing homework and no one feels neglected. If only one is doing grad school, have a plan for spending quality time together so the other one doesn’t feel neglected.
2) Wives need to be sensitive to the fact that increased education also means increased salary. I have a friend for whom this has created tension related to being the breadwinner in her home. Now she wants to be a stay at home mom and her husband doesn’t want to give up her salary.
3) More education means developing relationships with people in your classes that your spouse may never meet. I have found that if I am talking about someone a lot, it is worth having our families meet each other. My husband and I have met a friend’s family at an art museum and then had lunch, and went to a hibachi grill with another friend from school and his girlfriend.
So, I guess those are things to think about. My main point is this: your marriage comes first. Grad classes command so much attention that without intentional efforts, your marriage will become 2nd place very quickly.
Leslie
05/14/09 6:05 PM | Comment Link
charlotte said...
2This was actually a point of contention with my ex-fiance and myself. After I supported her through getting her R.N., she was happy to never enter a classroom again- even through she was 3 classes away from a bachelor’s degree. Meanwhile, I was happy to be spending the next ten years (and hundreds of thousands of dollars) for school. She complained she just wanted to come home from work at night and watch TV.
05/18/09 9:33 AM | Comment Link
Sandra Krauss said...
3Dorie,
Ger has a MASTERS and I have ZIP. While I would LOVE to go back to school for education…I find raising Cameron and soon to be baby #2 higher on my list right now. I hope one day to go back to school, but I feel happy with what I have accomplished in my life. It took me a while to feel that way, but I do
05/26/09 3:28 PM | Comment Link
Crazy Daisy said...
4Interesting post. I have a master’s degree and LOVE continuing education. While I don’t read a complete book very often (how do you read 3 a week?), I love learning and am actually thinking about a 2nd masters.
My husband has a BS degree and has considered going back to school, but hasn’t.
I think the hardest thing for us has been, with this situation, is that I find myself frustrated that my husband hasn’t gone back to school. I have to find a balance, and understand maybe that really isn’t what he wants…
06/10/09 1:33 AM | Comment Link