Yesterday the interview/conversation I did with Jun Loayza for his Awesome Bloggers series was posted. It was a lot of fun but it was still slightly nerve wracking for me because I tend to over think things and get distracted by my over thinking. I’m also not entirely sure I am always an awesome blogger and especially after my blogging break, I’m still trying to get back in the swing of things.
At the end, Jun said something about top three tips for couples and if I had any to share. Nope. None. Not one. I’m not touching that with a ten foot pole. No way, no how.
So instead, I’ll share with you my top 3 reasons why I’m not doing it.
So many people take amazing advice, twist it around in some weird way in their heads and then apply it in some god awful way to their own life/career/kids/whatever. Maybe they take the advice as literally as they can. Maybe they “tweak it” for their own needs. But then later on, they blame the person who said it initially. I’m not opening myself up for that, or at least not on this topic.
They don’t want to be the rule. They want to be special and unique and different and better than everyone else. They want to be the exception to the rule. And then they (especially chicks) read books like “He’s just not that into you” and don’t seem to get that it was written for them. In fact, Greg Behrendt could have titled each book individually to the woman reading it and she still wouldn’t understand the point directed at her. It isn’t fun, glamorous or sexy to be the rule but it is the way life works.
Or rather, if you are operating under a different set of rules, look at us. If you want advice on whether or not your current sweetheart is the one for you or how to get your man to buy you the engagement ring you really want, we are not the ones to look at. Brian and I didn’t date. We courted. And even if Brian died tomorrow and it was time to start having relationships again, I still wouldn’t date because I have no business dating. If you want advice on how to court, by all means, call us and we’ll be happy to tell you about our experience. Or in other terms, if dating is the rule, we are the exception. If dating is merely one set of rules, we opted for the courtship rules instead.
So after all of the why I’m not giving relationship tips, here is one tip for you: advice rarely lives in a vacuum, especially when it comes to interacting with other people. If you are given a piece of relationship advice that cannot be applied to any other relationship you have, throw it out. At the end of the day, there isn’t much of a difference between how a person should treat a colleague versus how they treat their spouse versus how they treat the homeless addict on the street. Be kind. Be respectful. Have healthy boundaries. The boundaries are what help you determine what is and is not respectful behavior.
Of course there are extra things you do for your spouse, but the fundamentals of being a person are always appropriate in any situation or relationship.
I am so grateful to be featured by Jun. He’s done a great job with the series so far and I can’t wait to see who he will interview next. Check out the interview here and while you’re at it, check out the guest post Jun shared in September here.
Marie said...
1Your interview with Jun was really good! I love that he is choosing so many different types of bloggers.
And I would like to “amen” your second point, about being the rule not the exception. And something that I hated about the “He’s Just Not That Into You” movie was that in the end the rule became the exception because Hollywood always needs fairytale endings. So all sorts of women walked out of the theater thinking “Oh, maybe I’m the exception…” Grr.
I’d love to hear more about this courtship thing…
03/31/09 10:55 AM | Comment Link
Jun Loayza said...
2Hey Dorie! Loved have you on my show. You definitely sparked a great interest because you were so REAL in your interview.
Good luck with finishing the guest room and I hope to meet up in person some time soon!
Jun Loayza
03/31/09 12:31 PM | Comment Link