Out of everything Starbucks has printed on the side of a cup of the years, my favorite is The Way I See It #76.
“The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is remove your head as the barrier to your life.” – Anne MorrissI’ve loved the quote since the first time I saw it. I read it out loud at my best friend’s wedding as I made my toast (she may have laughed because I had been carrying it in my purse for months or maybe it was because something I loved was related to coffee yet again). Before I moved in with Brian, I had the quote hanging on my dresser mirror to remind myself of its importance each morning as I started my day. I since lost the quote but it still came to me from time to time.
Commitment is deeply liberating. It is a fact that proves itself on a daily basis.
When I committed myself to my marriage, so many other aspects of my life came into place. I had the freedom to take risks in my career because of unconditional love and support. I did not need to worry about the port I would return to at night so the chaos of my career was not overwhelming but manageable.
When I committed myself to my writing after a long period of neglect, I felt a surge in my creativity and in my sense of who I am. The commitment to craft words that could stand for me released the built up tension in my mind. I didn’t need to worry about what I was going to write, what my ideas would be, or how to best articulate my ideas – I just needed to stay committed my writing. I was liberated.
That is why commitment is liberating. It frees you from a question that plagues your mind and consumes your energy. Instead you energy is spent on what you love, what you care about, what is most important in your universe.
My internal critic had a lot of time to practice being a critic. That was also called being a teenager. But the danger with that is as time goes on our inner critic grows stronger, more jaded. The critic sees why this won’t work, why this won’t be a fairytale ending, why you don’t deserve what you want. Commitment scares my internal critic. Commitment reminds my critic that she does not run the show. And there are times when it is appropriate and relevant for my critic to make and appearance but that is most definitely not all day, everyday.
After the turmoil of the critical teenage years, it seems to me that your twenties should be an exercise in learning how to listen carefully to yourself and how to take what the critic says with a grain of salt. It makes me wonder: do the people who learn how to listen to themselves in the twenties enjoy a more peaceful thirties and forties?
I hope so.
Kathrin said...
1I also think that during your 20s you learn to make a distinction between wants and needs. Most of us become progressively self-less as we get older. Becoming responsible and committed to your needs liberates you to a freedom to pursue your wants.
02/8/09 8:55 PM | Comment Link
Milena Thomas said...
2I share many of your views and feelings.
I’m 28, so I can’t answer your question, but I have a hunch it’s true.
I just feel a lot happier. Even in the midst of misery – it doesn’t feel like stuff is happening “to” me anymore. I don’t feel like a victim. I feel in control. Committment to whatever you are experiencing is indeed liberating.
A fascinating and heart-wrenching example is when you read stories of people in horrible situations who “chose” the situation – and persevered. I don’t know if the acceptance is part of the survival – but I think it is.
02/8/09 9:02 PM | Comment Link
Jamie said...
3As a commitment-phobe down to the core, this post really gave me a different insight. Thank you for opening my eyes to the joys of commitment. I’ve sort of always looked at it like prison, instead of something that can be liberating.
02/9/09 4:35 PM | Comment Link
Modite by Rebecca Thorman - Real-life disclosures on the myth of work/life balance said...
4[...] with Ryan explicit before because we had just started dating (even now we’re early in the relationship game), and it’s hard enough to begin a relationship, let alone have the extra pressure of so many [...]
02/9/09 11:35 PM | Comment Link
intersected » Blog Archive » thank you, but no thank you. said...
5[...] I wonder if I’m even HAVING that anymore? I read an interesting post about how commitment is liberating. I’ve always thought of it as imprisoning and suffocating. I’m not so sure where I [...]
02/11/09 5:06 AM | Comment Link
Real-life disclosures on the myth of work/life balance | Bizzy Women said...
6[...] with Ryan explicit before because we had just started dating (even now we’re early in the relationship game), and it’s hard enough to begin a relationship, let alone have the extra pressure of so many [...]
02/12/09 10:21 AM | Comment Link
Dorie Morgan’s Rising Up » A Very Romantic Rising Up Valentine’s Day » Navigating Twenty-Something Suburban Life said...
7[...] There will only be a man and a woman who love each other with a pure heart. There will only be me and my true love. After all, he is stuck with me. [...]
02/13/09 7:32 AM | Comment Link
Cliff Hannel said...
8I loved this one as well and have been sharing with all my friends. While I’m not a twenty-something (or even a thirty-something!), it really struck home in an eloquent way. While committing (and it’s fleeting cohort, passion) makes life so much more directed and enriching, I think it gets harder as you get older – mostly due to fear of what is at risk after you’ve built something. So, do it while you’re young!
02/18/09 3:38 PM | Comment Link