I don’t like to go down this path but I’m going to anyway. Most of the time, I don’t think it is a true or a relevant statement. But still, I see the words coming across the screen and I know they are mine.
Men have it so much easier than women – at least when it comes to dressing appropriately in the office. Women might have the potential to have more fun with their fashion choices but in the long run, none of it easy.
Dressing in my office should be pretty easy. Our attire is what I like to call “lab casual” which is several levels below “business casual”. Even though I do not work directly in the lab, standard office attire is jeans. I like to think of lab casual this way: don’t wear anything to work that you wouldn’t want cut off of your body in the event there was a spill and you were the one standing in the safety shower. (Yes, that does mean that potentially you could be standing in your underwear in an open shower for 15 minutes in front of your coworkers while you wait for emergency personnel to arrive.) Dressing for work is easier when you’re not really dressing to impress.
But still, every once and while I realize that not everyone has a good sense of how they should be dressing in the office. And those are the moments I want to jump up and down and scream “You are not hanging out with your girlfriends so stop dressing like you are!”
So how can we fix this problem? After some hemming and hawing, ladies, I think I have an idea.
Call your best gal pal (preferably married or in a long term relationship) and tell her to come over to your place. You’ll also need a mirror and to get dressed for work but without any of your undergarments. No Assets or Spanx. No bra. No panties. Just put your clothes on over your naked body. You’ll need to have the full effect to make any progress.
Shirts: Try this with several different styles of shirts you typically wear to the office. Try it with sweaters, button down shirts, frilly blouses – whatever you previously thought was work place appropriate. Look in the mirror: how do you feel? Do you feel like you have enough coverage from the office perv? Forget the fact that you aren’t wearing a bra. Now lean forward as you look in the mirror and ask yourself this key question: Can you see your nipples? If you can see your nipples, your shirt is not appropriate for your job and adding a bra will not suddenly make it appropriate.
If your top passes step one, try this second step but with that magic, miracle bra that you believe will solve all of your breast problems. In the same leaning forward position, turn towards your friend (who hopefully is an honest and compassionate person). Ask her if she would want her spouse/fiance/significant other to be working late with a woman who is wearing that shirt. Is the answer no? Then you just took that shirt out of the running for a 9 to 5 appearance. If the answer is yes, you now have a better sense of what you should be wearing to the office.
Skirts: Throw on a skirt but as before do not put on any undergarments. Now practice key things you do throughout your day. Bend over as if you were getting a file from the bottom drawer. Sit down. Stand up. Cross your legs. Uncross your legs. Keep moving. Now ask that dear, sweet, honest and compassionate friend if you resemble Britney Spears or Paris Hilton trying to get out of a limo in 2007. If the answer is yes, buy some reasonable undergarments and save your skirt for the clubs. You don’t want your coworkers to make a “Panties for _____” page on facebook when they think you aren’t looking.
If the answer was no, congratulations! You are probably wearing a skirt that is an appropriate length. Good for you!
Pants: Pants are tricky because if you think like I think then you want to believe that pants do not matter because pants are pants. And I know that is wrong. Thankfully, your gal pal will still be there to correct your incorrect thoughts.
Put on your pants. Do you have a camel toe? If the answer is yes, do not even bother demoting the pants to weekends. Find a bag and label it goodwill. Don’t tell me that you are going to lose the weight. By the time you actually lose the weight, you’ll want to buy new pants that make you feel better about yourself and in the meantime those camel toe showing pants are just wasting valuable closet space.
Next, turn to your gal pal and bend over. Ask her what she can tell you about your underwear. If she can tell you the brand, color or style, do not wear those pants to work. If she can see your bum crack, do not wear those pants to work. And if you did not put underwear back on and she can tell you that from the rear view, do not wear those pants to work. Follow up question you should ask: Do I have a muffin top?
At the end of the day, your coworkers do not need to see that much of your body. And chances are if they wanted to see that much of your body, it would not be at work that they wanted to see it.
Jonathan Fountain said...
1Actually, on slow work days or even on great ones, getting a glimpse down an attractive woman co-worker’s shirt just makes the day better. Just like real life.
01/19/09 10:02 AM | Comment Link
Rebecca said...
2Haha, this is funny and timely. It’s my first day at my new job today and I thought for a week what I should wear (since it’s casual-ish start-up environment). I ended up with a cute black/gray turtleneck, vest, gray scarf, black jeans, shiny gray/black heels. No indecency in sight (I hope!)
01/19/09 11:18 AM | Comment Link
Dorie said...
3@Rebecca – Casual is always so tough but I love what you’re wearing today! Send a picture (we can post it as a good example).
01/19/09 11:41 AM | Comment Link
Carm said...
4I like the way you assessed this situation. It is so unprofessional when people come to the office dressed like they are cheap, unaware of themselves and the impressions they make, or so poor they haven’t been able to buy a pair of pants that fit. People don’t consider the messages they send through their clothing choice.
I mean seriously, will “I’m a cheap, skanky hoe” get you a promotion? Maybe, but you are setting the women’s movement back. Like you said, wear those clothes to a club, not the office.
01/21/09 1:43 PM | Comment Link
Emily said...
5From my point of view, you seem like an entirely self center individual. Maybe some of your co-workers are not as lucky as you and cannot afford to buy new clothes. And if you see someone at work doing that, do you let them know? Maybe instead of writing about it you should do something about it. Try pulling the person aside to let me know that their clothes are not appropriate, sometimes people do not realize what they truelly look like. Tip to Dorie Morgan’s Rising Up…try being nicer to people.
01/21/09 7:43 PM | Comment Link
Dorie said...
6@Emily – I really wasn’t trying to share this in a hurtful way. I tried to take a slightly more humorous take on the typical “Dress for the Office”
type post that frequently appears in the blogosphere. My office related posts are not focused on any one individual (or individuals) and are normally a composite of a mindset, not a person.
I know sometimes the translation from spoken to written humor is difficult or impossible. Was there a way I could have phrased this that would have made that more apparent?
01/21/09 10:55 PM | Comment Link
Denise said...
7Haha Dorie Morgan, this is for the pollyanna… yes, if you have read Dorie’s post on the office pollyanna, I was that poor soul, so Dorie…I am Emily, no need to be freaked out, I just wanted to get revenge for the craziness I was put through during the holiday season with the secret stuff that happened in the office, please do not worry anymore. Gotcha!
01/22/09 8:52 AM | Comment Link
Why you shouldn’t dress to kill (your career) | TalentEgg Career Incubator said...
8[...] transitioned their wardrobe from “university casual” to business attire and we see the classic, a little too tight, too short of skirts or too revealing for the workplace. Tube tops or revealing tank tops should be kept for outside of office hours. It fails to present a [...]
05/21/09 2:05 PM | Comment Link