Comments on: Activities don’t equal relationships

By: Work, Life, Play « Kelly Anne Martin Photography Just another WordPress weblog

Thu, 21 May 2009 15:47:25 +0000

[...] “Activites Don’t Equal Relationships“, Dorie says: At the end of the day, it is not the organizations I am involved with or the [...]

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:41:08 +0000

People have been telling me since high school that I put too much on my plate. I came so close to burn out last spring that even my college professors started commenting. I’ve tried to cut back since then, but it is hard to knock some responsibilities off my plate.

By: Katie Konrath

Katie Konrath — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 17:38:21 +0000

I think it’s really easy to get sucked into the “I have to do this activity” mindset. I really remember getting into this trap in high school. I was in National Honor Society and the Pep Band, and Youth in Government, and Model United Nations, and Newspaper and Yearbook, and Track and Basketball and Swimming and a creative problem-solving program called Destination Imagination… basically a whole ton of things.

Some, like the creative problem-solving competition and track/swimming, I enjoyed. Others, like the Model UN and Yearbook, I’d made a commitment to and was a big part of.

But then there were the things I did just because I thought I was “supposed to” in order to pad my resume for college. (e.g. Newspaper, National Honor Society, Pep Band, etc) I did them because I’d signed up for them at some point, and they were on my calendar, but they really didn’t add to my life. They were more stress-inducing than anything else.

I wish I’d had the foresight in high school to cross out some of those activities like you mentioned doing. Would have made it a lot easier for me to focus on the things I really cared about!

Eventually, in college, I did cut back drastically, and it really helped me have the energy to actually enjoy doing the things I actually wanted to do. (Amazing, huh?!)

When I was so busy though, I think the only thing that kept me going was the fact that I “had” to do everything. I probably should have keeled over sometime in there!

So here’s to cutting back! Congrats for actually doing it!

By: Kelly Anne

Kelly Anne — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 16:53:08 +0000

Being involved in so many things you have to categorize them? I can definitely relate – this was the story of my life in college, and still is to an extent now.

Your last paragraph is very insightful. It’s something I wish someone had sat down and told me while I was in college – I have no regrets from all the things I was involved in then, but sometimes these life lessons can help us determine just when it is ok to let go of things.

By: Tania de Sostoa-McCue

Tania de Sostoa-McCue — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 16:30:45 +0000

Thanks for the insight Dorie. I come from the other end of the spectrum- almost no activities other than being a stay at home mother. I often wish I was more involved in other communities and activities. I don’t have a lot of time, and I don’t want to waste what I do have. What you had to say really cemented what it is I am searching for- relationships, not activities. Thanks.

By: Carmella Tress

Carmella Tress — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 15:53:54 +0000

Oh good- that means I am probably not on the list of things to be “cut”, since I am under the impression that we have a worthwhile relationship Lucky me.

By: Emily Stoddard Furrow

Emily Stoddard Furrow — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:34:08 +0000

Hi Dorie — I just started reading your blog, but I feel like we are thinking about a lot of the same things. I’ve been struggling with the concept of balance for a year or two (well, struggling for a long time but thinking about it intentionally in the last year or two…).

People often suggest, “Remove some activities, just any activities.” and I keep insisting that balance isn’t just about removing a few activities here, adding a few there. Like you say, our lives have to be defined by more than the work we do. It’s more than just a tactical exercise.

That’s why the title really attracted me to this post. I agree that relationships are at the core of happy balance. Without knowing what you’ve got in terms of relationships, it’s impossible to really choose the activities that get you to balance.

Anyway… I don’t mean to write a whole post in response to your post, but I just wanted to thank you for sharing, and I’d love to hear more of your thinking along these lines.

By: Milena Thomas

Milena Thomas — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:30:17 +0000

I’m with you. I had dinner with a friend, and we were chatting about our lives and all the projects we have going on. She looked at me and said, “So, where are you going with all of this?”

After a moment I replied, “Listen, my husband and family are the only priorities in my life. Everything else is icing. If some thing I’ve got going on right now turns into something bigger, great, if not, I don’t really care.” Basically, and this might sound bad, but I try to put minimal effort into everything that is not related to family – I definitely fall short of that goal, but at least I know where to steer if I veer off-course.

She seemed a bit surprised, but understanding.

I think it helps to keep things in check like you’ve done. Realizing the extra curricular activities really are “extra” and it’s okay to let them go.