Today I’d like to share a guest post from Deb. Deb lives in the Philadelphia suburbs, blogs at The Writer Bee and is part of The Well community. At the bottom of the post, I’ve linked to a few of my favorite posts she has shared on her blog. I hope you enjoy this as much as I have.
Only a week into getting back to “the real world” after having spent 10 days with my best friend at her home in Seattle, I’m still feeling the pain of being separated from her and thought I’d take a few minutes to speak on this.
The importance of friends in our lives is really immeasurable. We need relationships. We’re designed to need them. When we don’t have them, we make them up (think: imaginary friends) or we start talking to volleyballs (think: Tom Hanks). The point? They’re important. As a single chick, I think they’re more than just important…they’re vital. I mean, I love my dog, but let’s face it – she’s not actually human. Maybe a man’s best friend can be a four-legged, furry beast with no language skills, but that doesn’t really work for me.
That may be part of the difference between friendships with men vs. other women. I think it’s great to have friends from both sides of the gender camp, but we are wired very differently and there’s no substitute in life I’ve found for a girlfriend who can commiserate with me over coffee about the things in my life that are strictly “girl-things” (although a pint of Ben & Jerry’s is a close second…)
In my early-20s when my single friends were dropping like flies from the dating scene as wedding rings were slipped on their fingers, I feared our relationships would change…or, worse yet, that I would actually lose their friendships. That their “significant other” would step in and take the place of all their other friends making us null and void. While it was a bit touch-and-go for awhile as they all sorted out the “what it means to be married” mystery, in the end most of my now-married friends seem to value our friendship just as much (if not more) than they did before. Phew!
My friend in Seattle actually just got married last December to a fantastic guy who it took awhile to find, but was absolutely worth the wait. Our friendship (which has been to hell and back a few times over the past 12 years) has remained constant and grown even stronger. As an added bonus, I also enjoy her husband so much that I’m excited to count him as a friend also. This a huge blessing next to friends I have whose husbands I barely know or don’t much care for.
When you’re thirty-something and single with no end in sight, your friends are more than just friends. They’re family. If I didn’t have my friends, I would probably spend a lot more time in tears, drunk, or both. I’d laugh a lot less. I’d feel a lot more lonely.
So listen-up all your married women: Pay attention to your single friends – they need you…and you need them (whether you recognize it or not). While your husband and children (where applicable) come first, keep in mind that it’s important to keep other women friends in your life (and try to find some single ones if you don’t already – we have different perspectives and stories to tell).
The point? My friends are my lifelines. They keep me grounded, make me laugh, cry with me, are in my corner, give me perspective, teach me, and love me. We might be thousands of miles and timezones apart, but I know they’re just a phone call, an email, or a flight away if I need them…and that makes all the difference. Good thing, too, otherwise I might begin chatting to random sporting equipment.
Other Posts by The Writer Bee:
A Girl’s Best Friend said...
1[...] Original Dorie [...]
09/17/08 8:38 AM | Comment Link
A Girl’s Best Friend | The Writer Bee said...
2[...] to be featured as a guest poster on my friend Dorie’s blog. The post is entitled “A Girl’s Best Friend” where I spend a few paragraphs giving my two cents on friendships and the importance of [...]
09/17/08 9:58 AM | Comment Link
Shanna said...
3I am so glad you feel that way. I have foun that since I got married, my friends (both married and single) have become more than friends. They are my laughter, my sanity, my energy, my therapists, my sounding boards, my perspective, my balance and my shoulder to cry on. Not that my husband is not all of that as well, just that sometimes it takes a woman to understand a woman. I love them all and would be in desperate need of a padded room without them!
09/17/08 2:22 PM | Comment Link
Kathrin said...
4I am closer to my married friends than those who weave in and out of relationships. The serial daters tend to drop in and out of my life depending on their relationship status, but my married friends are a constant in my life. They tend to be more stable and consistent. My friends who navigate in and out of relationships also seem to move in and out of my life.
11/25/08 11:58 PM | Comment Link