After nine months of trying, my best friend is finally pregnant. Thank God. I’ll miss calling her weekly and starting the conversation with “so, are you knocked up yet?” but it is a small price to pay for her happiness. She’s wanted a baby for a while now.
Brian’s older sister is pregnant too. She’s due in October and expecting a little girl. She started trying around the same time my best friend did but things worked out a little faster. I have to admit, I’m looking forward to being an aunt again.
Even our next door neighbors at the new house have a new baby boy. I think their six year old daughter was confused when her brother turned out to be a baby and not a kid her age to play with. She also wants to know when Brian and I will be having babies because “there aren’t enough kids around here”.
It seems like there are babies everywhere. I guess it is a side effect of actually being an adult now.
I’ve always wanted to have a big family. I may not have dreamt about being a bride when I was a little girl but I dreamt about being a mom. I am an only child so I used to daydream about a house filled with chaos and madness and kids everywhere. The idea of a big family still sounds very appealing. But when the 6 year old asked me about having kids, I froze.
I am not ready to be a mom.
I am not ready to give up my freedom.
I am not ready to stop being selfish.
And I don’t think I should be making babies until I’m ready to put a child first. As an educated person who understands how babies are made and can take the necessary steps to avoid premature baby making, having a child before I’m ready is just irresponsible.
The downside to this line of thought is that I keep hearing that there is no “right time” to have a kid. Because children are messy and inconvenient. They say things that make the neighbors cringe. Kids are expensive.
And once a child arrives, you can never go back to not being a parent. It is one of the most permanent changes you can make. (At least if you are a woman. In the case of my birth father, it didn’t seem to slow him down.) Children change priorities. They change your life.
And that change is appealing, but not yet. There is so much I want to do with my life before I start to worry about the dangers of vaccinating children and start to focus on providing my children with a strong start in life. I want to travel, to write a book, to actually finish renovating my house. I want to be a wife and appreciate my time with my husband. I want to see what I can accomplish in my career. I want to be able to take off on a weekend trip on a moment’s notice and not worry about tracking down a babysitter.
I told my new 6 year old friend that there would not be any babies anytime soon but my nieces and nephew would come to visit. And in typically 6 year old fashion, she quickly moved onto the next topic that interested her. It was adorable.
Here’s what I’m ready for – I am ready to be the favorite aunt. I’m ready to do the fun things with kids and not worry if the homework is done or if they are behaving correctly. I’m ready to rediscover the world through the eyes of my niece but I am not ready to rediscover the world through the eyes of my daughter.
Deb said...
1V. good and responsible of you to recognize this.
And there’s really no rush… You’re still quite young! My best friend & her husband didn’t have their first child until they were 30 and had been married for almost 10 years.
Oh, and I would say that having children is not so much a side effect of being an adult as it is a side effect of being married and wanting them. And then there are people like myself who are single and adult (and been for over a decade) but still have no children. Granted, we are a rare breed in suburbia, but we are still here!
08/18/08 3:32 PM | Comment Link
Norcross said...
2A small part of me wishes that I had waited a bit before my wife and I had our first child (concieved 1 month after the wedding), however, it has worked out for us. But I agree, don’t have them until you want them.
Most of the “right time” ideas are about being financially ready which, as you mentioned, you can never be truly prepared for. But if you want Fridays to be party night for a while, stick with the pill.
08/18/08 4:55 PM | Comment Link
Caroline Ceniza-Levine said...
3Dorie, it was nice meeting you at Brazen Careerist meetup in NYC. Please keep in touch. Regards, Caroline
08/20/08 12:24 PM | Comment Link