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  • Politics at Home: Just don’t say a word

    July 10, 2008

    Posted in: compromise, family life, politics

    About a week before the Pennsylvania Primaries, there was a message on the answering machine from my husband’s grandmother.  I was excited to know she called – most of Brian’s family lives in Florida and as a result, we don’t get to hear from them very often. 

     

    But when we listened to the message, we deleted it.  She called to tell us how important it is for us to vote for Barack Obama.

     

    It isn’t that we weren’t interested in hearing from his family.  It’s just that Brian and I don’t talk about politics at home. 

     

    Why?  Three reasons:

     

    1. By and large, Brian’s family is made up of very liberal, Democrat types.  None of them are quite so bad as my neighbor down the street who built a shrine to Hilary Clinton on his front yard (and still has part of it up, apparently he never got the phone call about Barack Obama) but at the end of the day, they are Democrats.
    2. My husband is not a registered voter.  He never has been.  He never will be.  I told him I found men that were not registered to vote sexually unattractive but he didn’t care.  He refuses to take part in what he identifies as a corrupt system.  He also tells me that it is because he does not like the idea of being controlled and therefore does not like the idea of selecting who is going to control him.
    3. I am a registered Republican.  I registered as soon as the paperwork arrived in the mail and I have stayed true to my beliefs despite living in a township that is 98% Democrat. 

     

    Clearly, we don’t agree on politics in my household.  And for a while, this was a source of stress and arguments.  So we decided no more politics.  It was better for us that way.  We were tired of arguing, I was tired of being ganged up on by Brian’s friends and family and everyone was tired of me threatening to stop feeding them for attacking my belief system.  At one point, it felt like a verbal political gang bang and I did not like being on the receiving end of that train.

     

    Eventually we realized it wasn’t politics that we had a problem with discussing.  We talked about abortion, gay marriage, separation of church and state, tax policy, polygamy, etc. on a regular basis.  The problem came when we put the names on those things.  When we left the “Democrat” or “Republican” words away from the conversation, we were able to really discuss what was at the heart of the issue and leave our charged emotions at the door.  We were able to have a rational discussion and truly learn about where the other person was coming from.

     

    I’ve had my opinion changed on a few things as a result.  Brian still has not registered to vote but I’m becoming increasingly okay with that.  And I did tell him that if felt so inclined to register, I would not say a word if he registered as a Democrat.

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