I have a love/hate relationship with my Attention Deficit Disorder. Since I was diagnosed at 13, dealing with ADD has been a confusing but rewarding battle of me versus me. In school, ADD meant more time for assignments, tutors if I wanted one and a steady diet of Ritalin. In the working world, ADD means creating a system of coping mechanisms that make me look quirky and neurotic.
It’s taken me a long time to get to the love portion of the ADD relationship. Prior to my diagnosis, I knew that I operated differently from my peers, I just didn’t understand why. In middle school and high school, Ritalin helped me focus but I hated the side effects. I had no desire to eat, my creativity was stifled and I was unable to sleep for more than three hours a night starting when I was 14. By the time I got to college, I knew something had to give.
I decided sophomore year in college that I had enough of the medication. I got to this point where the ability to focus just wasn’t worth the side effects. And then I struggled. I decided I didn’t want to have extra help that the college could provide me because no one would offer me extra help when I got into the real world just because I had ADD. And without the medication, I had no idea how to learn.
The plus side of a med free life was worth it for a time. My creativity flooded back to me. Suddenly, I had a desire to eat again (sadly, while there was no “freshman fifteen” my new found love of food led to a sophomore twenty five!). Without medication, I was brazen. Walking into a room where I knew no one was okay and actually enjoyable. And I discovered that it wasn’t that I had a problem focusing – I just couldn’t select what I would focus on.
Oh, and I finally was able to sleep for more than three hours at a time. Who knew feeling well rested would feel so good!
Then my grades went down. Ultimately, it took me five years to finish undergrad. Not being able to choose to focus on classes made writing papers and reading assignments brutal. But the ability to hyper focus enabled me to read all of Ayn Rand’s work my junior year (don’t ask me why that was able to capture my attention). Getting up each day to do work was a battle but getting up each day to discover new things was thrilling.
Post college life was interesting. Realizing that I couldn’t keep struggling, my doctor and I decided it was time for me to try new medication, this time in the form of Stratera. It seemed like a great idea at first but I soon discovered that the side effects were hellish. The world, which had been so vibrant for my four med-free years, was suddenly flat. Because strattera is a mild antidepressant, there were no emotional lows but that also meant there were no emotional highs. When I broke up with my five year on again off again boyfriend for the last time, I knew I should be sad but I just didn’t care. There was also absolutely no desire for sex and a desire to sleep for twelve hours a day. But I could focus.
Once again, this was not an option that would last very long.
I’ve been med-free for a little over two years now. The breakup with my ex was what finally led me to give up the idea that medicine would “fix” me. If I was unable to feel, what good was I as a person? I’ve been in pursuit of holistic, natural care ever since.
Surprisingly, the med free life has made my ADD more manageable than it ever was before. Here’s how I am able to do this now:
Holistic/Natural Medical treatment – I’ve been seeing a chiropractor for two years and three months. When I first went to Gorman Optimal Health Solutions, I thought the guy was nuts for telling me that he could treat ADD through adjustments and supplements. And then I discovered he was right. Before I start having back pain, I’ll notice I am out of alignment because I am more easily distracted.
Supplements – I take 5-HTP at meal times. It is believed to help children and adults with over focused ADD. Ravers take it to offset some of the fun after effects of ecstasy. There are plenty of supplement options that are suggested for ADD but after much trial and error (with the guidance of my doctor) this is what we discovered worked best for me.
Exercise – If I don’t get at least 30 minutes of vigorous exercise in a day, I’m done. My best days for focusing mean that I spent about 90 minutes in the gym in the morning. Exercise quiets my mind and it quiets my body. While I never had the stereotypical hyperactivity, I am constantly fidgeting with my hair, things in my pockets and items on my desk. Besides, exercise is just good for you.
Diet – As tempting as dessert can be, I can’t focus after eating sugary foods. Its okay to have a treat at home once in a while but if I hit the office candy dish, I can forget about focusing on the job they pay me to do. I do best when I stay away from carbs during the day and wait until I get home at night to enjoy them.
Color Coding – I have a ridiculous system of color coding in my FranklinCovey planner but it extends to other areas of my life. Work life items are blue. Yellow is for medical. Pink is for me. Orange is for home. Purple is for church. The list goes on and on. Certain times I focus on certain colors.
Limit Multitasking – It always seems like multitasking is a great idea but it fails me more times than it helps me. Instead, I focus on short bursts. I break most of my daily tasks into twenty to thirty minute blocks of time. Anything more than that I get distracted. In between those blocks, I give myself a mini break – I get a glass of water, I stretch, I check out a post of Brazen Careerist or I find a reason to talk to a coworker.
Talk about it – HR knows about my ADD. My direct supervisor knows about it. And a few of the moms that work in my office know about it as well. I do not broadcast it – there is no reason to show up at work with a flashing neon sign that reads “Dorie has Attention Deficit Disorder” but trying to hide it does not work either. HR and my direct supervisor need to know. But it isn’t enough to walk into their offices, say “Hi, I have ADD” and then leave. By having conversations about what my strengths and weaknesses are, they are able to work with me. And really, that is good advice for anyone regardless of whether or not there is a disability.
But why do I talk to office moms about it? Some of them are learning how to deal with parenting an ADD child. I believe its important for them to see how coping with ADD as a child translates into coping with ADD as an adult. If they can benefit from my experiences, it was worth it to share.
Kristina Summers said...
1Great post. I responded on the Brazen site but wanted to check out your blog as well. Very nice. Great information and great writing.
06/11/08 3:37 PM | Comment Link