When Brian and I first decided to get married, I hated my job. Actually, I probably hated 90% of my life but it was easier to focus that energy at hating my job. But I felt stuck. I needed the money too much to quit working but I didn’t really have the time to devote to a job search. And my job made it next to impossible to take time off to interview.
I spent a lot of time crying because of it. But crying didn’t help me at all. It didn’t give me more money. It didn’t help me find a new job. All crying did was make me hate my job even more.
I was stuck. And I got to the point of stuck where I didn’t know how to become unstuck.
But this is where marriage steps in. I’ve been extremely blessed by the support and the liberation that my marriage has given me. Brian picked up my bills so I could quit that god awful job and hunt for something I truly loved. That might not seem like a big deal, but when Sallie Mae owns you to the tune of 1k+ each month, having a stretch of freedom is amazing.
A lot of times, we think of marriage as commitment and divorce as liberation from that commitment. But what if we changed the way we look at marriage? What if we start to think of marriage as opportunity? What if marriage liberates you from your fears? By changing our views of the institution of marriage, are we capable of changing its impact in our lives?
The fear of failure is still there for me but at the same time, its hold isn’t any where near as strong. Brian’s support liberates me to make choices that would be just too risky if I was single. And his support goes beyond financial. The emotional support he provides during times of stress and challenges is far more than what my family is capable of providing to me on a regular basis.
At the end of the day, I’m left with this: If your relationship does not uplift you and support you, why are you in that relationship? And if you are not capable for providing that same support to your partner, why not?
J.T. O'Donnell said...
1Hi Dorie,
Just read this post on marriage and can relate 100%. I too, am lucky enough to have one of those marriages/partners in life that has enabled me to do so much more than I could have alone. In fact, getting married and having children actually HELPED my career.
If there’s an address to send you a book, I’ve got one I’d love you to read…:)
05/7/08 7:32 PM | Comment Link
Jemimah said...
2Marriage has helped my career and my husband’s. I married a guy I met online and only knew in person for 2 weeks, to get out of a dead-end job in a dead-end city. The decision turned out be be a good one. Having the flexibility to switch jobs has more than doubled my income over the three years of our marriage and given him the freedom to start a business at home. I think of my marriage as, among other things, a very profitable financial alliance.
05/8/08 10:46 AM | Comment Link
jrandom42 said...
3When I got married, I knew my wife was a strong willed, strong minded woman of indomitably strong character, having raised 5 children as a single mother. Her love and support were crucial when, early in our marriage, I was laid off. Morose and depressed, doubting myself and looking at the bleak job landscape, I hid away in books and games.
My wife had come into our marriage with a year’s supply of preserved food and camping gear we could have lived out of. But more importantly, she literally kicked my butt and said I had to do something, even if it was wrong. Seeing my interest in computers, she got me to apply for an entry level tech support position. I was hired and in the first day, got a 20% raise. My career has grown by leaps and bounds ever since.
At a time when I was doubting myself, she never did. Her faith in my skills and knowledge and her trust that I could be successful made the transformation of our life a reality and there is no way I can ever thank her enough for helping make it possible.
05/8/08 11:39 AM | Comment Link