In case you were curious, planning a wedding is the most stressful thing a person can do in this life. Buying a home, graduating from college, finding a job… these events are all a walk in the park compared to the nightmare that is a wedding. There is nothing peaceful or blissful about this day to the people who plan it. It is all just the illusion of happiness. It is seeing the visible relief on the planners’ faces that they will not have to do it ever again.
In the next 26 days, I need to ensure:
1. that my dress gets altered. Really all it needs is a bustle but the thought of going and getting it done is overwhelming. Especially when one realizes that the bra that sucks in the fat I never knew I had needs to go back on. That thing hurts.
2. Flowers get ordered. We picked them out but we never ordered them. I need to make sure that the check for damn near a thousand dollars gets to them.
3. that someone, I don’t care who, but that someone throws me a bachelorette party. I want strippers, booze, and penis attire for me to wear. I want to act like a complete jackass. I need to blow off some steam and I need the bar tab to be at someone else’s expense.
4. That groomsmen pick up their tuxes in a timely matter.
5. That a do not play list is drafted for the DJ. I don’t care who thinks it is a good idea, the “chicken dance” will not be played at my wedding. Neither will the Macarena. I’ve already told the DJ, his job is to stand there, play music and look mildly attractive. Not so attractive that it pulls attention away from me but not so unattractive that people wonder why he was beaten with an ugly stick.
6. That I get all of the RSVP cards back. Seriously, how hard is it to check yes or no and then stick it in the mail. I already addressed and put postage on the damn things. The guests get the easy part of the job.
7. I still need to plan the pseudo honey moon….
8. That I get birth control packs before the wedding.
9. That the decorations get to the bakery this week without me nagging Brian about it.
10. That Brian learns he can be in charge of things other than “the love making”.
11. That the flower girls baskets are made.
12. That I don’t beat my mother in the head with her cell phone.
13. That Brian doesn’t beat my mother in the head with her cell phone.
14… that i take a nap…
ugh. I just want it all to be over.
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